#HORRORscopes

The latest stay.

2010-05-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

I guess you could say I have always been a little accident prone, in and out of hospital since day one of my life really. I didn't start my life in hospital as most people do, ironically, I was born at home! Anyway I have a bit of pressure on me at the moment, a few big decisions to make, which generally in my case means upsetting a few people. A few family issues that need resolution, although having spoken to several people about that, I may not bother at all with that. Then a few personal issues, decisions and a 'biggy' that simply need to be sorted before I will feel better.

So when I have things on my mind, I write. It takes away the pressure for a while.

I am going to write about my latest stay in Hospital. I really could write several books every time I go into hospital on some of the things, that happen not only to me, but I have witnessed too. I shall try to be concise!!

I was shown to my room in the hospital. I was disappointed not to have my own room as I wake on the slightest sound, so when you have to share a room with several hairy arsed (I presume!) blokes who will undoubtedly snore, well, the rest that I had fully intended to have whilst in there would be hard to come by..

The upside of this shared room scenario was that a lad who I had known for many years was in the same space so that made things a little easier.

The room stunk though. The reason for the smell was relayed to me by the friend in my room. Apparently the resident of the particular bed opposite me had not washed in 6 months plus. Neither himself nor his clothes. Although why the staff had allowed things to degenerate into such a sad state was not clear to me. I was told by everyone just to spray loads of deodorant and the like in the air.

I had stopped eating just about completely several weeks or months before. Along with not sleeping at all. I was also dodging the hospital food trolley. I had been in only three days when I was allowed to basically come home and spend the day at home and the night time in hospital.

I was walking miles at this time and 'running' on sugar literally. Even I sometimes wondered how I kept going sometimes. During my vast walkabouts around Calow, that's where the hospital is, I had come to know the estate and all the rat runs and short cuts. But since my last stay here, 3 years ago there had been a few alterations and additions to the roads around there. One night a 'familiar' one of the local residents shouted at me... "OI! You went up there last night. Still a dead end mate!" I had a kickabout at football with some of the locals one night too. I would consider moving into the area as I know the Postmaster and Newsagents and a lot of the Calow and locale residents are nodding acquaintances, everyone seems to nod in acknowledgement, which is nice. I knew there was a takeaway in Calow as one of my friends and I used to walk up there during my last admission 3 years ago. (I often wonder what happened to her, she had Anorexia, I have not spoken to her since last new year, but changed my phone and lost her number... Thinking aloud:))

I found myself outside the takeaway. Don't ask me what I bought, all I know is that it came to £12 and I intended taking it into the field and eating the lot. It was particularly cold outside during my tenure in Hospital so I decided to take the takeaway back to the Hospital grounds and go and find somewhere 'safe' to eat it (I HATE eating in front of anyone else) I ended up taking the takeaway straight up to my ward and plonking it on the Nurses station and telling them to share it all out. (I remember it didn't last long, the food)

I just remember breaking down in sheer desperation.

I was a bit peeved that someone actually said the takeaway was cold!!

One of the sweetest Doctors it has been my privilege to meet spoke at very great length with me, as well as the brilliant nurses on the ward, one in particular was amazing.

The ensuing conversations that took place did more to help me than anything than had gone before.

One of the outcomes of these life affirming conversation was that every day I would have salads ordered for me and over time these salads got me back into food. I used to make two plates into one massive plate of salad and after a few weeks enjoyed eating them at night. Why salad? I adore salad.

Remember I said I was incarcerated in a room with 4 other blokes? Well one of them could hardly be described as a 'hairy arsed bloke." He was just eighteen and had been in for quite some time. I had become quite friendly with him as he spent most of the night playing the Playstation 3, we struck up some great conversations into the wee small hours. For one so young he was incredibly articulate and knowledgeable. On the outside he looked particularly well. He looked very young. He had told me just about straight away that he hears voices in his head. How awful. I have never heard voices in my head but I empathised.

I grew quite fond of this lad, who was suffering quite a lot of bullying so I guess I kind of took him under my wing and looked out for him.

Then one night, we had been chatting (obviously I was getting on with everybody on the ward, Staff, most of who I knew anyway and other patients, some I knew, some I didn't)

The lad turned to me one night and said that he was hearing particularly bad voices that night. I wanted to know what they were saying.

"The voices are telling me to kill...." he said.

"Who are they telling you to kill?" I gently asked.

"You Rob. The voices are telling me to kill you."

Well as you can imagine I had not been sleeping during my stay up to then and this conversation was certainly not very conducive to attaining that sleep either.

It hit me the next day when I came back to my home and went to see some friends and recounted the previous nights conversation. The response was astonishment and "Not being funny Robin, but he might just do it, kill you. He could hide anything, anywhere."

I had not thought like this, I had talked him through these voices he was experiencing, trying to ascertain if he would indeed try to kill me and I just thought him such a little lamb that, no he wouldn't. BUT I decided to tell the staff about the conversation and my fears. I was told that he would be sent home on leave that night as a prelude to being released so not to worry.

Over in the corner by the window of the room I was staying in, was a man I became very good friends with too. He loved his music. He never went out of the room at all and he used to act as the unofficial 'security' guard for our room. When the choice was given to me one day after a few weeks if I wanted to go back onto my usual ward I wasn't sure if I wanted to move and I said let me think about it.

The lad over in the corner came over and sat on my bed.

"I would be so upset if you went. You are very attractive. I am so attracted to you."

This didn't upset or offend me in any way at all, in fact, it actually made me feel a lot better that day!

I knew the lad was gay but had no ideas he was holding a torch. We spoke it through and have managed to remain hugging friends to this day (I saw him a couple of weeks ago:))

I took the opportunity to move to my usual ward because I had got to know everyone on this particular ward and looked forward to seeing all the usual staff and getting to know new people.

I just hope that this particular lad didn't think I moved because of his ardour... I think and hope I told him this at that time.

Prior to these incidents I had my first asthma attack too and thought I was a goner.

Remember me saying that everyone (including the cleaners/domestics) was spraying anti deodorant and other such smelly stuff in the air to mask the smell that was caused by the unwashed resident in our room? I am not going to blame that directly for nearly causing me to die but it must play a huge part.

I remember that it was definitely within the first nine or ten days, but I was still having everyone in stitches, staff included. One particular night, very late on, I had decided to go and get on my bed and as was often the way someone would start a conversation and then a free for all usually happened! Anyway the said conversation had been going on for a while and I remember I was laughing so much, I tried to inhale a breath. Nope. And then the most awful rasping sound as some air managed to get into my lungs. I was panicking. By now two or three minutes had passed and I had run into the toilet and was seriously preparing to die. I didn't want my body to be the first real dead body that the young lad would ever see. I just remember being really cool about things (Remarkable really as I remember my mum had her first asthma attack at about my age, witnessed by me) This seemed to last for quite some time, there was like a band around my chest, nothing going in, nothing coming out. It eventually passed and so far I have not had anything like it since. But I am wary.

I was going to write and tell you how I saved a lads life by employing the Heimlich Manoeuvre in the dining room (TRUE) but have no time now.

I could write so much, but have to leave it there as I have to do something now.

Lithium.

2010-04-23T11:40:00.000-07:00

Of course, I'm fine....?

To the observant out there who actually read what I write here, you will have noticed it is nigh on 3 months since I last posted anything. I am going to write about why here and also so I don't have to write endlessly the same notes about why to a few others too!!

So here goes....

Every three years or so I end up in hospital. I lose too much weight (Too many years with eating disorders), my mood is too elevated (More about the 'moods' later) and sleep is something that doesn't happen...

Then anything from two months (my shortest and most recent stay) up to over a year later I eventually get discharged. The last few admissions have been relatively trouble free as quite a few years ago it was discovered that basically, Lithium 'rescues' me. I have MAJOR issues at the moment about my prognosis with Lithium, I am going to try to explain.

Firstly let me say I am a happy, fun loving guy, who could do with 'growing-up' a little maybe. I hope I am a good friend to have and would try to help anyone in genuine need.

I take lithium and I change. I am still 'me' inside. The drug just seems to steal the spark and the spotaneity that makes me.

Before, when it has been 'suggested' that Lithium is needed, I have always gone in hospital with the attitude that it will be alright as I always have the panacea that will rescue me again, should I need it. So now I have been told what I always knew was correct, that I will need to be on Lithium (And the ensuing blood tests) for years (A consultants' euphemism for 'Life.')

So what's the problem? I much prefer to be what and who I am, when not on Lithium. BUT even I admit that after the latest 'episode' when it was commented on by many of the staff that I had been discharged on previous admittances worse than the state that I went in this time, I just needed a rest and to get my voice back, believe me I never shut up, luckily, I don't talk too much crap and some of the misunderstandings can be amusing. Sometimes though I need to sleep so badly I could cry but I won't have sleeping tablets.

Another obviously, supposedly beneficial thing about Lithium is that it makes me feel hungry all the time... I am battling this and this is NOT a good thing, I know things are slipping somewhat on the calorie intake, but a little often is what I try and do, or loads every few days, again, not good.

I really don't know what to do and know I should just keep taking the lithium, it just sucks all confidence from me and makes me want to stay indoors more and more. I make myself go out daily though, but in the long term I can only see things getting worse.

I sleep so normally now, take 800mg of Lithium at night BUT just do not dream at all. Nothing. Nada. Now if you delve into my blog archives you will discover why no dreaming may be a good thing for me. I generally get into bed, now I have stopped sleeping in the bath (generally hour catnaps) well before midnight and wake between 6-9 am in a morning. It generally takes me an hour to groggily wake up though.

I have absolutely ZERO enthusiasm and don't look forward to much (ALL side effects) I don't laugh much anymore either, I still find things funny but find it hard to crack a smile.

Now I am totally 'Normal' again, do I stop taking Lithium and sit back, so to speak, and wait for the inevitable slide back into hospital (Which may not be a bad ride, given the shortness of my latest stay) Or keep taking Lithium and be, well, boring, and probably 14 stone by the end of summer too?

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Hmmm. Just a thought...

2010-01-30T14:49:00.001-08:00

I think I need to change this particular posting places name....

((How about :))

BIRD DROPPINGS....

Very apt as I don't half post some squirrel droppings on here and I am birdbrained half of the time.

Plus I am Robin.

Click the link for a laugh

CLICK ROBIN

Oh. Thank goodness I am allegedly a European Robin.. And not the North American variant of said bird....

The North American Robin is known Genus latin name

Turdus Migratorius CLICK

The Robin does most of it's mundane living during the day and actually gathers in great flocks at night.... FACTAMUNDO!!

Beats Per Minute....

2010-01-30T14:05:00.000-08:00

"I fall in love everyday....."

It doesn't half hurt when you fall and have nobody to catch you.

BPM

For that FLEETING

BEATING of my heart

WHEN will I EVER connect again and OPEN

UP TO YOU?

To have, to SHARE yet?

DREAM

However CRAZY the latest

'SCHEME?'

Do we all seek the SAME

'THING'S'

"We dreamed the same DREAMS"

I used to DREAM of

the phone (wedding) RINGS....

The BEAT goes on.... It's LIFE

we are ALL IN IT ~

I prefer the ELEVATED feeling EXERCISE the MIND

INCREASE THE

BEATS PER MINUTE....

A question of Faith?

2010-01-28T15:38:00.001-08:00

HAITI

"We ALL, every man, woman and child, need to find SOMEBODY to apportion blame on for the Life changing and literally Earth shattering events that are happening in Haiti right now..."

I along with the rest of the Worlds inhabitants watched as the horrific events unfolded and continue to deteriorate on a minutely basis. (TWITTER has been the BEST for keeping in REAL touch with REAL events and not the sanitised view of most of the media. Although I applaud most of the Media for not allowing the pictures that we, the viewers receive. Images are still drawn, etched and tattoed in my brain at some of the pictures I saw on TV, in Newspapers (THE SUN!! ) The Hillsborough thing was the Suns downfall for YEARS!

Imagine what it must be like to actually live in Haiti? Before the Earthquake, Haitians on the whole, had NOTHING.....

Reported as being the 'poorest' country on the planet....

"NOW THE AVERAGE HAITIAN HAS EVEN LESS THAN NOTHING."

I too have been questioning my faith and my concept of GOD as an entity has changed...

I tweeted the other day....

"HOMIES, we are on our own. GOD has moved onto his next project."

I was brought up Christian. Sunday School, Crusaders>> (A youth and sports social group with a little bible study thrown in for good measure. Even then I felt the need to question) And I tried doing the Alpha Course recently, but found dishonesty RE the financial handlings of the Group where I attended the ALPHA course. All about who and why GOD exists allegedly, but, in most cases just an excuse to get people to pay a tithe, often more, towards the upkeep of the Parsons Porsche....

Anyway. I have been ECLECTIC with my Beliefs for some time. Borrowing the Tenets from all or many of the MAJOR PEACE loving religions and sometimes, but not too often, discuss issues with a few of these people who practice other methods too!

So let us say that a GOD, made the Earth? On his own? I think not.

When the great redeemer 'from the sky' made the Earth it was HUGE. Much bigger than it is now.

The acid rains and all the asteroids have depleted this massive planet of ours into a relatively tiny ball hurtling through time and space. DESTINATION UNKNOWN

WOULD GOD GET A GUILTY VERDICT FROM TWELVE ANGRY MEN?

NO SIR or MADAM he would get a NOT GUILTY

(The Catholics will be familiar with GUILT, that is not a slight, I have taken communion and often genuflect ((Not always in humour:)) Having dipped my toe into most of the religions I feel that the Catholic faith has many ridiculous rules, CONDOMS being the most stupid of all!!!!) <

See Africa.

Is it not reasonable to think that whoever created US and our Domain has either DIED or MOVED ON??

He may have created the pillars of wisdom that are the building blocks. He may have given his commandments << (ALL MORAL NECESSITIES?!) He left many stories behind. The best selling book in the world is a religious tome. Or it was. (JK Rowling?? hehehe!) <<>

I still have my BELIEF. But now I choose to mix and match those beliefs and live on the memories of whoever or whatever the man ( OR WOMAN! ) whose life we can read about or watch.

There is someone with you everyday.

YOURSELF.

I will not live in somebodies footsteps but, if I admire or indeed love that person or persons I will try to EMULATE, ACCOMMODATE but ALWAYS EVALUATE....."

This HAITI thing has affected me deeply and the tears have not stopped re that awful disaster.

Until today. My tears stop and I feel a little more myself....

2010 should be the BEST YEAR EVER.

The start was the WORST EVER and very reminiscent of the Tidal waves of about the same time a few years ago.

<(ovo)> Rob 12.18am 29/01/10

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Art as a therapy. For self and family.

2010-01-24T00:49:00.000-08:00

Try this....

Empty your mind. I find that putting a totally random CD or turning the radio on helps.

I try to plan my day. Put yourself at the centre of your drawing. You may find other mediums for this too. Try using the stuff on the breakfast table and arrange them into an installation using say a pepperpot as a representation of yourself!

If you are going to do a drawing to represent where you are at right now in the world, a kind of self evaluation drawing I would recommend more than the 10 minutes limit that I suggest stops any unecessary too deep plumbing the mind!

The subconcious will often surprise you with the product and quality of these drawings or the emotions colours and thoughts contained therein.

Listen. Who cares if you think you can't draw. An illiterate orangutan in the deepest borneo rapidly depleting rainforest has the capacity to snatch a twig off the floor and etch a drawing of a banana on the beach whilst sunbathing for a spare ten minutes whilst not dodging game hunters!! <<>

Obviously don't think too deeply about every work or piece you produce and try different medium. Charcoal, clay, pastels and even try this...

You are at breakfast. Envisage yourself as say the tomato ketchup (This is good because it is nearly empty and you make a note to get more later, but must be heinz!)

And then make an installation using the other various bits of breakfast paraphernalia that may be strewn on your table.

Just try not to emulate Richard Dreyfuss in close encounters of the third kind and start producing works of art out of your bangers and mash. I suggest you eat it before it gets cold!

#TIP Often some of these shorter ten minute doodles become ideas or inspiration for future drawings and some of the productions of these drawings are not only OK themselves but have led to quite pleasing drawings later on!

"An artist will see potential pictures anywhere and everywhere. As will the photographer."

Your potential next masterpiece may be a segment contained in a fairly mundane picture, or one of the millions of images that your eyes produce and your brain assimilates on a nano secondly basis. I often wonder if people see beauty in most things like I do?

My mind frames pictures and stores them for me being able to instantly recall these pictures or portions of drawings at some later time when I need to sit quietly and draw. I don't want to be quiet so I have not been drawing the usual

MANGA Snoopy Landscapes COMICS Abstracts Cubist Superhero Doodles Cosmology

Or billions of other drawings that are contained yet a message from me to me.... When you feel the need to sit quietly again try some drawing and don't mind if you chuck more out than keep. Hey and maybe if you ever should run out of toilet roll you will always have a source of paper!

Just don't get in to neurosis over which drawing to choose to wipe....

<(ovo)> Rob xx 09.17 am 24/01/10

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The meaning of WORDS.

2010-01-22T10:45:00.000-08:00

WORDS.... They have no meaning.

Great song. Rubbish assertation.

WORDS. Have meaning. What would you be doing now if there were no such things as words?

They are the very thing that has enabled the denizens and others on the Planet to communicate.

Where do words come from? I used to wonder as a kid. I love words, their origins, definitions and synonyms. The very many way that words are assembled and the slightest slip by speech or mainly written can change the meaning of those words and turn the sentence into more of an affront!

ETYMOLOGY

And Ecology and Endocrinology just two more of the OLOGY words and their subjects I adore...

ETYMOLOGY, quite simply means where these words come from, their originance, who used them and their meanings their antonyms and synonyms ETC ETC.....

I am writing this and timing to see if I can write to a set deadline. I know I can actually but just thought I would pass a #TIP on to anyone kind enough to read!!

So WHERE did words come from?

GOD knows. OK. End of piece.... You know me by now! I have an opinion on anything and everything and am not going to end this there!!

So WORDS. They didn't come from your Mammy and Daddy, nor their progeny. They came from the animals that first set foot, claw or pad or indeed, if you attest to Darwin, FIN! HEE! (No anyone who watches the odd foreign film this is not the 'FIN')

These creatures needed to communicate with each other and those of the Fauna able to vociferate did so. Did they understand each other? I reckon not until the HOMO SAPIEN appeared.... And then started using various tools of the time (No laptops, netbooks or paper, nor the Biro or Fountain pen to write these utterances down. I reckon that the first cultured caveman of the time must have had breaks from dragging his bitches round by the hair and also time out from making said object of misogyny having time from making the carnal utterings... It is also my theory that the first words ever spoken more than once so therefore in common use must have been during the act of knee trembling. I doubt those pre~caveman words were "F*** ME!" either nor "I say Jeffrey it's freezing they say an iceage is on the way." :))

So as I have just overshot my deadline I am going to finish by saying that if YOU too have an ardent interest in words try reading a dictionary (OED everytime for me) preferably one with other types of word usage too.

Also use and choose your words well. I always try to remember it isn't called ENGLISH for nothing, and try to use my English well in the written form without reverting to the more LATIN or FRENCH use of swearing!!

Try checking LATIN out. This CLASSIC language, which at approved school (joky term for BORSTAL, a kind of Holiday camp for naughty schoolchildren of the time!! :)) I never went to any of these less than fine estabilishments, and bet they were taught a bit of Greek and Latin there! I think there may be a smutty joke there about Greek and Prison but can't be bothered to drag that out....

Any way I have just really enjoyed writing this so sod the deadline!! Quo Vadis and QED.

As is yet to be demonstrated I have no idea what the above two Queue words means but I may watch either on Telly anytime, they were both BRILLIANT VIEWING :O))

LOVE IT!!!

<(ovo)> Rob xx

22/01/10 19.14pm

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There's hope for us all....

2010-01-22T08:04:00.000-08:00

SMOKING

There are deadly and incontrovertible drawbacks to smoking as you all should be

AWARE.....

And yet many of us continue blowing the carcinogens back into the air

MAFIOSO MONOPOLIES plying CANCER STICKS to CHINA and ASIA.

Promises of chemical utopia in some sort of >>FANaticT#ASIA

So in their billions these CANCER STICKS STILL SELL!!

And all you septic companies shall be roasted in

HELL

Like Chestnuts eternally roasting on an open

FIRE

The lies the lawyers still peddle, and no compensation?

DIRE

You evil little stick of FILTH and CANCER

When are you again going to rob this Earth of the 'Next' BEST

DANCER?

OR...

The 'Next' potential PELE or BEST?

You really put embryonic willpower to the

TEST.

So CHILDREN NEVER do HARD drugs or SMOKE in your

LIFE

LADS, you will NEVER be FIT the AWFUL stench of chemicals

RIFE

NOW..............

LASSES are smoking more than EVER before!

You pretty young things. A slow and painful death, don't be one that needs a

CURE

IF YOU WANT TO BE THE BEST or simply want to

BELONG...............

TRY QUITTING yesterday, get HELP from all 'EXPERTS' but you will have to be

STRONG

So to END here, just before I go....

DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR.....

AND START SAYING

"NO"

All awards see my management team.

I am proud of this

<(ovo)> Rob 16.30 22/01/10

DEDICATED TO BILLIONS OF POTENTIAL PUFFERS.

AND

TO THE SQUILLIONS OF DEATHS DUE TO SMOKING

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To my Princess

2010-01-21T03:35:00.000-08:00

You already know.... LET'S GO GO GO GO GO!! You made me do this....

What do you need me to do

To spread my wings and fly straight to you?

Already I have never known such love

Your hand fits perfectly in my glove

Since you found me or I found you

There is so much to say and do

Your words touch me in places like no other

I use these words as my protective cover

All I know to you I will get I don't know how

Knowing you need me I know I adore you too NOW

I laugh with you, I cry with you yes I really do

Your words transcend any place that I ever knew

Although I walked alone for a while

I never ever lost my smile

I was dying inside a little more each day

I didn't imagine there would be any other way

Enter my Angel to rescue me

You have made this old heart see

AND YES I want you. It's just meant to be....

I pray we two will soon be three.

Have I told you lately I love you.

From Birth to death....

2010-01-20T19:23:00.000-08:00

We are born with nothing and leave with more or

LESS?

THE SAME

Having experiences in your life hopefully enjoying your

GAME

LIFE is no 'Dress Rehearsal' lets encompass

togetherness

LOVE your brother and your Sister too

THERE IS SO MUCH STILL TO DO

First we need to put aside our DIVISIONS

and become as

ONE

BEFORE?

In the blink of an eye

EVERYTHING IS

GONE

Haiti.....

2010-01-20T18:31:00.000-08:00

Haiti...

OMFG. What is going to happen next?

A poem....

You are poor deficient, no cash to eat

The earth is taken from beneath your feet

And so again you continue to suffer

After the briefest respite buffer

So much devastation, how many dead

missing, buried, the aftershocked streets for your bed

The world is sending aid. Money and troops by the torrents.....

GODS ARE GREAT FOR CREATING

"abhorrence"

Here's my truth...

2010-01-20T08:46:00.000-08:00

Life's a beach....

Really. I am having the time of my life at the moment....

I have pretty much started feeling quite good about myself for quite a few months. Due very much to all you lovely people on Twitter and Facebook. I have just the few MAJOR problems right now. I am going to try and open up on here a little.

To anyone who truly knows me, you know how private I am. I never tell. I never will. But this causes me some problems...

I have been to see my Social Worker, Phil, today. I honestly wasn't going to go. My appointment was at 2pm. I sauntered in at Half past. Now this is not unusual. I often joke that I will be 'late' for my funeral! I trust Phil. My social worker tells me like it is. No bullshit. For this reason I trust him and love him like a brother and I have actually divulged about 0.25% of my inner conflicts to him. I am glad I have someone who I can text or ring anytime of night or day and talk. I have texted him a few times and used the option of ringing him on one occasion recently.

Now. I don't like asking for help and I don't exactly take the 'help' on offer, and believe me, there have been many offers of said help. So when my social worker says... "There are so many people who genuinely care about you." Well, even now I find this very hard to accept. I have a fear of being touched by strangers. Both physically and emotionally. Emotionally touched? How does that work? Well, I find I stray away from forming relationships of a 'more than platonic' nature. This is ridiculous I know. I can't survive on my own. I really can't. My last long term relationship, it hit me hard. I had genuinely met the girl of my dreams. Ha! What a fucking nightmare she turned out to be!!

Anyway I will never sully my happy memories of my 'over' two years with this lady and it was great fun being engaged and having holidays all the time in Ireland and travelling the country on trains and me driving us everywhere at every given opportunity often at breakneck speed, which was enjoyed by all of us. I had another family. And they all really liked me. I belonged. I could be my usual idiotic, always on the go and cheeky chappy, that I always was. As a kid I was actually quite precocious and always had my head in books, radio on and watched telly all night in bed. Drawing and even at an early age I knew that I could write. Lyrics, poetry and stories long or short. The words just seem to pour out and luckily some of these words must be assembled in the right order because they seem to form readable, understandable and sometimes quite interesting sentences and paragraphs.

Believe me, this piece is not pouring out of me. I am actually having to think about what I write, rather than just letting go. Therefore I feel that this piece may flit about a little. Please ask or tell me if there is something that doesn't make sense because I don't read back before publishing and I don't check the spelling either!! (I am sure my friend Julie will tell me if I spell anything wrong or put a period in the wrong place!! :))

So let me just go back here, give a little filling to the main crust of this piece....

As I child I used to wake up with the most awful nightmares. This was pre any RTA. I used to go running into mum and dads bedroom and get in bed with them. Often crying my eyes out. I have always been emotional.

I remember when the next door neighbours dog 'went to the countryside to be with it's friends.' We all know, as adults, what this 'euphemism means. The dog had died.

Dilly the dog was called. I used to go out on the back garden at night, for a cigarette, yup, started early, smoking I mean. Nasty habit. Dilly the dog used to jump up, slavering tongue lapping at your face and him trying to leap over and come and play 'Let's make love to your leg' and other 'ball' games. Hehehehe!! <<>

Anyway I used my, 'not too bad' techniques of getting to the truth and got concessions off mum. No apology. I didn't want apology. I just wanted recognition that I never forget and will never lie on a subject so serious. This has hurt me to do this to my mum, who for some reason I still love dearly. She hates me. She always has. But this is not going to turn into a whys and wherefores about that...

Anyway let me fast forward a few years here...

I was diagnosed as having eating disorders as I have written briefly about somewhere or other, over 20 years ago. This was all seen as a 'joke' to my family. No joke.

How really nce of my 'close' family to take me to restaurants, as a kid and teenager, and even then be in severe distress and unable to eat the meals that were bought. My sisters got a choice of what they wanted. I always got bought the cheapest shit while they munched on steak! God O might, this a fine endorsement of my family. Well. I hope so anyway!! I have no family now. I have adapted and adopted myself into my cyber family. So far not too many of you have divorced me!!

So I need to get on with this....

The past few months. I have been having severe dietary problems. The 'days' of just living on copious amounts of sugar and Red-Bull with the odd binge thrown in here and there for good measure. Often resulting in anxiety as I wait for the food to return. Often not being disappointed.

I do not do this on purpose. I used to be fully in control of my eating, but sadly, I am having to accept that NEVER EVER will I have control over this particular aspect...

I think it may even be the death of me. I have said before that I am looking forward to getting off this planet anyway.

"I would never take any actions to hasten this exit..."

My body is doing a pretty god job of that itself.

I get a bit evasive when questioned too personally about all this. And anyone who I chat with, I think they know this, so KNOW better just not mention the eating bit at all. But most other subbies are not off-limits!! This is.

I am so happy at the moment. It is like my body is at war with this happiness.

I NEED my friends right now. YOU all know who you are. I can hardly talk to any of my friends around here about it or pretty much anything really. They are mostly a bit younger than me so they all keep me young. They thought I was 24 when I first actively seeking out a few friends around the ghetto hood!!!

So. I am not too worried. I think I look fine. (Well, actually I don't think that at all)

I will wait until Friday and just see what transpires. No doubt I will just say what I think my consultant wants to hear....

"I really think it maybe getting close to the time to tell her what she NEEDS to hear"

I am taking the positives from that last sentence....

Thankyou for taking time to read this, difficult for me to write piece. And PLEASE comment if you think that you have anything that I should hear. I really don't bite. Much, I will snap back every now and then, but only if I feel it is worth it.

Always......................

<(ovo)> Rob. xx 17.58pm ish 20/01/10

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Statistics.

2010-01-18T12:34:00.001-08:00

STATISTICS.

There is that famous quote.....

"Lies, damn lies and statistics."

I was reading a 'not very top of the range newspaper' a bit ago. I don't mind reading some of the tabloids every once in a while. (Everyday I read and buy at least one 'red top' to be honest as I don't understand what the words in 'upper class' rags mean with more than say four letters in them mean!!)

Apparently as many as 30% of potential employers here in the UK will try to guage any prospective employees through reading their Twitter pages. I find this staggering. And really shouldn't these fat cats be finding other ways to judge the 'character' of somebody? Like Graphology or Nephrology.. Or various other means of assessing a persons credibility for a job. In fact why not try sending out refusal letters or at least some sort of acknowledgement that someone has taken the time to actually want to join your shitty company for minimum wage anyway?

So Tweeters here in the UK be wary that any potential new employer is going to perhaps read your page and be able to see what you have been upto... In fact, workers in the UK have been placed onto the ever growing list of the not just unwashed, but unemployed because of their posts on Twitter...

I find this disturbing.

OK if you are throwing a sickie from work then spend all day tweeting on your 3G equipped handset that... "I am having time of life here in London. FTW!" Then you get what you deserve... But even so. Everyone needs to take the odd sickie now and then and may find that tweeting or communicating via the internet is the only thing that makes them feel better.

I don't for one minute believe this particular statistic... The 30% of employers one, and reckon the journo who created the piece thought, hey, I have a good idea here, let me make something slightly interesting up!

There are some 20 million tweeters worldwide, thereabouts.. (and some I am convinced are not actually resident on the planet we call Earth!)

So to all you 'Jokers' and the 'Jokers in training but not quite funny enough yet' out there in Cyberland. Beware about prospective employees without any sense of humour. Or very pereptive employees.

These employees should be required by law to inform you... "We have been snooping on you, we have looked at your Twitter page..."

But so what? I know I have come out with some erm less than 'putting oneself in a good light' kind of tweets many times. Usually measured on an hourly basis... Thank the stars I am temporarily retired and on the scrapheap!!

Do not attempt to say anything slightly controversial or make a joke all you unemployed and desperate people out there. And try getting off fucking Twitter every now and then eh, and looking for a job!!

And to any employers who read Twitter pages, and then wonder why their company is going under.... well, you reap what you sow!!!

So to finish, the unemployed of you out there, I send my best wishes, enjoy the measly cold weather payment you may or may not receive, and good luck with the jobhunting! There are more and more people retiring everyday to spend 37 hours per day on Twitter so there are millions of jobs.... Allegedly.

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 18/01/10 22.02 Approx.

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Just a quick one.

2010-01-18T11:13:00.000-08:00

Just had a few hours of the old waterworks but had a lovely long shower and washed the residue of these tears away.

Shall not bore you with the reasons as to why the deluge occurred. Everything is fine, plus, I think it is great to have the ability to 'release'.

I feel like the tears have been wanting a few hours of my time for quite a few days now. I have had little weepy moments... Usually over music, but these have been because the music has affected me. In a great way. I love the fact that music can reduce me to tears.... For the right reasons and not always due to wallowing in self pity!!!

Not just music that can turn me into a jibbering wreck either!! May write about that later.

To anyone from Twitter who is kind enough to pop by and read the posts here, I owe a MASSIVE apology. I got sent a link to do some function or other. Now usually I avoid these links via DMs like the plague, as most of you do too, Twitterati, judging by the amount of DMs I have had back regarding the validity or otherwise of said link. But I think it was maybe a bit of a hello I am still here to some of you that I haven't spoken to for a while, but consider to be very great friends! <<>

And to anyone who has newly followed, my name is probably mud for spamming? Every single one of you, new and old... I think it is quite funny because it has indeed re-estabilished very many old contacts (...if eight or nine months on Twitter and Facebook is a long time:))

Twitter-mode.

When I first joined Twitter I was saying all sorts of weird and sometimes wonderful things, often bizzare things. I was not quite in Twitter-mode. What's Twitter-mode? Well, it is when you have something to tweet and due to the restrictions of the 140 characters or die, kind of restrictions placed on you and the inability to break these statements down to the requisite 140 or less characters and therefore, when not in Twittermode, many of these tweets that I was doing, initially made no sense whatsoever!! This probably made mundane tweets quite funny..

However, for all of you not able to enter Twitter-mode at will there is Twitlonger... I have been aware of Twitlonger for ages but never felt the need to use it! I got a recent DM reminding me of the feature of this option and have started using it a little more now. Easy as anything to join and you log in via your Twitter account.

I think/hope that this feature is secure. I am a bit puzzled though. I had 1050 DMs in my inbox. I popped into Twitter while out, via my trusty mobile. Couldn't really do a lot, my battery was nearly juiced and ready to drop!! I now have only 843 DMs. I don't know whether to laugh and jump about deliriously... Has some divine intervention occurred and cleaned the chaffe out for me? Or have more sinister forces been at work? Not sure yet... Not had chance to properly investigate yet.

But to the Tweeters who seem to revel in the delights of being able to use probably less than 10% of the available capacity of the 140 characters, Twitlonger will be of no use. Don't you just love monosyllabic Tweets?! What a waste of time.....!!!!

On a lighter note. Very many thanks for ALL the beautiful messages, DMs, Tweets, posts, music links and prompts, Blogs, art, photography, emails ETC ETC.... I really do appreciate each and everyone of them. OK, I may not like EVERY single one, but to take the time to send someone something it is so muchly appreciated and I assure you I do read, listen to or look at nearly 100% of your various means of communications.... The 0.01% of coms I do not look at involve racism or subjects that I will never entertain, but hey ho!! You can't help some of these people. I think that in my time at Twitter, just TWO overtly nasty and horrible tweets received well, that tells me something... <<>

I hope this doesn't sound corny. But, I have genuine feelings for 'several hundred' of my friends on Twitter and a few on Facebook. (And other places too... *wink-wink*)

Most of these feelings are paternal, brotherly, sisterly ETC, BUT some of these feelings border on the 'L' word. And I get really concerned if I don't see some of these people for a while. And as I have said before, don't worry. I will never tell any of you... Some of these people. Oh my goodness... You will never know how much I enjoy spending time online with you, talking to you or receiving Tweets and emails and various other methods that we can now communicate via. Without having to actually meet anyone!! <<>

The power of the internet that enables all 4 corners of the earth to communicate on a level only previously dreamed of, well it blows my mind....

<(ovo)> XX

Rob. 18.01.10 <<(Remembered to put 10 rather than 09!!) 20.20pm

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Big brother is truly watching you....

2010-01-14T21:51:00.000-08:00

Surveillance UK style.

(These should be worth literally pounds on 'You've been framed...' Comedy clips of maimings and shootings and countless women being sick)

"I Was just sat watching 'Eagle Eye' on a 'not quite legal' copy of said DVD. My computer farted about two thirds of the way through this highly enjoyable film and is now refusing to play, surely there is a moral somewhere there....?

I reckon make sure the DVDs are clean or work first, before handing over ten bob for 1000 DVDs." *

*Regarding The above statement, however true or false, should anyone who has any association with income taxes or revenues, or Law Enforcement in ANY country read this... I do not come by my money by any nefarious means whatsoever, yet, and live below the poverty line in a third world state and all my writing is based on faction added with a sprinkling of comedy. I hope this attempt at comedy is not lost on the estabilishment it is poking fun at....

In the UK we have more surveillance cameras than whole countries (FACT! We have more cameras than every country on this planet, and universe) London has 47 cameras for every celebrity Z-lister alone. (See Paparazzi but wrong type of surveillance)

What got me thinking about cameras and surveillance, well, a couple of things have not escaped my attention span, that 'span' currently middling between a goldfish and a hamster...

Firstly the 'Stop and Search' policy in the UK.....

AND a particular favourite viewing 'filler' of mine when I don't have anything better to do, the Various and many Cop type programmes, particularly in the UK, though not exclusively the UK. Got to say that America do the Cops and Felons show really well. Too well in some cases.

Now to my MAJOR gripe with these subjects. Stop and Search and Cop Programmes.

I am on the police's side on the whole. I think that the majority do a fine job, for all us, semi-law abiding folks. There is however, deeply engrained within the very heart of the force that is STILL inherently racist. I am not playing a race card, no. I am simply pointing out that when police use the powers of 'STOP AND SEARCH' no questions asked, the majority of people that were and indeed, STILL are being stopped and searched, are quite simply, NOT CAUCASIAN. With the figures being reported that if you are say, maybe, "Young, gifted, but not white" you are SIX TIMES more likely to be stopped, than us with a more pale face. This makes me a little pale faced thinking about this statistic.

Let's move this on a little here. If you have 'more than a days stubble' on your chin, you carry a rucksack, and maybe pray 5 times a day or whatever, it must really ingratiate you to our once tolerant and accepting country, to maybe get a potshot took at you by bumbling Tube Police officers and maybe a few insults too from the street life that is modern Britain at the moment.

I accept immigration. But not on the grounds to come to our great Country and expect to be handed everything on a plate. I respect any persons or groups being persecuted and wanting to escape tyranny and despotism, but hey, you want respect, then play by the rules and try a little more integration. Suspicions breed contempt. I am not suspicious, certainly wary of the Jihadist IDIOTS. BUT not all terrorists are Muslim, (See Tony Blair, Christian, Catholic, Fart)

And so to the glorification of the various COP SHOWS we all love and enjoy, and we ALL take driving tips off the cops too eh? (And the kids and yoofs all get ideas for what car to steal next and/or how to do it too)

Cop shows. Brilliantly entertaining and cheap to make. But, To be totally frank here.... America. EVERY felon seems to be black. Not a sweeping statement, but written as a viewer, not in America, but wanting to be, but, won't be, unless you do something about guns.....

In the UK it is exactly the opposite problem. Most of the action clips are of silly 'middle class' boys 'borrowing' top of the range Nissan Micra type vehicles and doing do-nut burnouts outside the local old-peoples home.

Or Mr. Average Ford Mondeo REP type man, again white, who has consumed 22 too many pints and decided to drive South on the Northbound carriage of the M1 motorway, whilst texting away on his mobile phone....

Surveillance is a must. We do nothing wrong, and so long as our hair is combed nicely, and the cameras that watch and record our EVERY move 24 hours a day, catch our profile in an illuminating style... Then what have we to fear about being observed so closely? In fact, give them something to observe. And no, I don't mean start having sex in stoopid places for all and sundry to view... NO. TRY moonwalking in the supermarket or impromptu displays of gymnastics on major highways and byways.... People of the the WORLD and the UK unite together... Let us give the surveyors of our Doom and gloom something to send to 'You've been framed...' And remember there is £250 pounds for every clip they use....

So to finish there on this tongue up cheek little piece, I say to the producers of these COP shows, particularly in the UK, that showing the occasional toke smoking black person does not make for balanced TV, nor does it tell the whole story about the true extent of crime nor punishment. You tend to GLORIFY many of the cheeky chappies you catch too. BAD BAD BAD!

But essentially bad viewing Nirvana at times....

And to you 'LEGAL'and paid peeping Toms who work the 556 million surveillance cameras in the UK, how about I sort a few clips of funny things that may occur on a high street or in a chain store near you... You want to go halfs??? I reckon we could make as much as a small country by selling to the Canadians... Surely, with their 'renowned' humour, they have a version of 'You've been framed'.... They watch any old shit. (Much love to my rapidly depleting Canadian fanclub:)))

<(ovo)> xx Rob. 15/01/10 06.57am

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If Carlsberg made music....

2010-01-13T14:23:00.000-08:00

World Music VERSUS United Kingdom.

Originally I was going to to do a piece comparing American music against English music. Which is the best. Then I got to thinking.....

"The world makes great music. America usually 'originates' the best music....

LET'S FACE IT....

England takes this music, usually a short while afterwards. Evaluates this music, adds and amends and embraces. This is when we as Brits, take this genre and re-create and elevate...."

So there I could end this piece and say, Yup, the UK is head and shoulders musically above the rest of the world. But I think I may just write a little more here.

Quite simply, I do not watch Television, to the extent I used to anymore.

When I want to watch something I will, or I catch up on on of the various 'players' available here in the UK. If you can get the ITV player to work on Catch-up, you are a better person than me. I rely on the vastly superior BBCi player, thankyou.

I have always lived and loved music. My dad was a singer in the Clubs in England, part of a 'Harmonic-duo' who shared the stage with many famous luminaries, some still around today. They were called the 'Melchords' and my great regret was never seeing him sing as part of his act... I often heard my dad singing round the house, always pitch perfect harmonies to the records or radio playing in the background. I guess I got my love of music where most of us do..

Through our parents record collections!! <<<<>TRUE??

I suppose I got my love for the human voice listening to Acapella music and through various choral and non choral singing 'roles' as a kiddywinkles!! I took lead roles in school plays, but forgot many of the lines... most of the lines, in fact. I used to make them up.

I digress...

Don't get me wrong here, I love ALL music. I will try any type and genre and try to listen to everything new. In fact, with a country the size of, say, Canada... I bet even in Canada, there must be a Canadian, who isn't a Mountie, and may just have enough singing talent to scrape through to the live rounds of the British Version of the 'X-Factor......'

The American Idol and such programmes are all full of very 'pretty' people, but per capita, not very talented...

So... Jokes aside here. I listen to music 37 hours a day, 117 days a week. (As you see, my mathematic munificence may have suffered slightly through listening to music for too long:))

I don't like to pigeonhole music. Genres. Like buttons on the latest Video games consoles. FAR TOO MANY GENRES of music.

"There is nothing quite so embarrassing as mixing your metaphorical music genres..."

I have two types of music only.

Old music and New music.

This is quite funny. I have many 'genres' of music still to discover. I look forward to this.

"Music that is new and released today, becomes old music tomorrow."

Someone may suggest to me to listen to an 'old' song by Nina Simone, who I adore. So I listen. And it is a 'NEW' song to me. So I think what I am saying, is when does music ever age? When does it ever lose any relevance....?

Growing up, I seemed to spend a lot of time with people, my own age, and older, who were seriously restrictive in what they would listen to.. IE Punk or MOD.

I dressed eccentrically at times, still do to this day, when bothered... And back then, followed certain dress codes, often tied in with a certain genre of music. I was once sent home from school for wearing the latest baggy style Adidas Tracksuit in garish red, inspired by Grandmaster Flash....

But then when at home, I would plug my headphones in and listen to some classical music on the radio or on vinyl. Is it me, but, music definitely sounds so 'pure' on vinyl records!!

The one thing that America beats the world in?? Musicals.

OK.... Bollywood. I like some Bollywood epics. I find it quite amusing, but off putting at times when the actors or Beautifull actresses break into song and dance though, an acquired taste, but I enjoy the spectacle!!

Saturday Night Fever, Grease, West Side Story and Purple Rain... The list is endless. All American I see. (Apart from the Bee Gees!!)

So to finish. The WORLD really does make a sweet and sour mixture of music. I want to hear it all too.

As a musical nut, I never really got into Elvis. Not really looking to at this point in my life. But one day maybe..... He would have been 75 this year.

Hope you enjoy reading this. I pre wrote it and the completely ignored the piece I had written by longhand using a real pen and paper!!

<(ovo)> Rob. xx 13.01.10 23.15

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Twitterati....

2010-01-03T19:39:00.000-08:00

Twitter.

Why I love Twitter.

@orangy68

The time. April, 2009. Life was pretty much in the pits and getting worse by the minute.

THEN ONE DAY, I thought... Facebook and Twitter need to be added to my social networking in cyberland........

WHY?

Why did I suddenly jump in.... Simple. These were the Buzz things at the time. Obviously I had heard of both Twitter and Facebook.

Facebook? well, knowing what I know now about Facebook, I wish I had joined when it first came out. It seems that every man and his dog are on there....

And so to TWITTER....

"There is a more than very good chance that you have cancer Robin....."

April. 2009. I was told this and had numerous tests, biopsies and x-rays.....

I pretty much expected to die. I am not scared to die. I can look my maker in the eye and say "Give me my keys to those Pearly Gates please....."

I was scared that I had not achieved anything of great note in my life, on a personal or professional level since my early twenties. I felt as though I would be buried in a paupers grave, unmarked, untended and unloved....

So what to do? I wanted to shout from the tops of all the trees...

"Thankyou for never taking the time to get to know me."

Especially to my closest -(alleged)- family. I have many, many personal issues with my family. I am close to my family in Skegness, luckily. And I have a smattering of family around the world too. It is not just me out of my 2 sisters and 2 brothers who have 'serious' issues with the way we were dragged up. Not dragged up, but some very bizarre methodology was used. I digress. I often do...

"I needed a new 'family' to belong to..."

And now eight or nine months later, I really do feel a part of a HUGE GLOBAL FAMILY.

In desperation I signed up for Twitter. I could find the exact date, time, weather and probably tell you what I was wearing too-(usually trackie bottoms, Hoodie and Bandanna)

So I entered this amazing place that is TWITTER. I have never looked back since. I have had more time out of Twitter than in, since I joined, because of the mentioned illness scare and ongoing dietary problems. I know now that I can't actually live without knowing what 'Percy' from Nooo Yawk, or 'Ingrid' from Swedeland is doing, every minute of the day!!!!

Now like every other Twitter Addict-

You have to start somewhere....

(Believe me Twitter is more addictive than Cherry pie)

I didn't have a clue. What do I have to say? And why would anyone want to read? Is this all it is? Countless other questions and a certain trepidation was rife.

My first tweet, went along the lines of Hello I am Robin. Just found this 'new' place. Just thought I would try it out. What do I do?

And within a matter of seconds, 'James' came from out of nowhere. James is the real name. But I won't embarrass him by adding his @ or Username. And, should he read this... He will know who he is!!

American. And so helpful. I had a follower.

It might be handy to just add here that I 'followed' or added myself to about 200 celebrities and 'major' media 'outlets' and tweeters... Radio stations and the BBC etc, before doing anything else. It would be a bit boring having nothing to read.

Enter the 'public' Timeline.

On a funny, but not funny note. I tried posting Jonathon Ross... @Wossy a link to a quite funny jokey site. And not having a clue how to do it, or most importantly forgetting to CHECK THE LINK first. (Do you check your links work first?? PLEASE do, because there is nothing worse than getting a 'dead' link....)- I noticed that it didn't work the link. So I tried to send it to @Wossy again. Anyway within a matter of minutes, @Wossy answered me back.....

"@orangy68 PLEASE STOP."

So. I thought what a cheeky stuck up bastard-(He isn't by the way!)- But it certainly didn't help matters when I sent him a dead link up a second time I suppose!!

I sat on the public timeline. Just tweeting incessantly at tweeters who were posting things of interest to me. And I started to click on the Links and the music, photos and other links of brilliance that were endless!

I hammered the tweeting and found that 99% of people answered you back from the time lines and if they answered I followed. I found that this was the best way to go around things. I wasn't concerned about amassing huge numbers of friends, followers or sycophants. Nor was I too bothered about tweeting anyone other than the so called 'Celebrities.'

Anyway. As I sit here now. I am so glad I joined Twitter. I have actually made several hundred lifelong friends, and although I haven't and probably never meet 99.99% of these people, I feel a certain brotherly kinship and sisters too! In fact I have two or three people up on Twitter who have adopted me as their brother! And I also have them as Sisters too. You probably think this is ridiculous. But nobody sees what goes on in the Direct Messaging and via 'other' means of communication.

A DM is also like a first date.... In a strange way!! (just a random stoopid thought:))

So the cancer turned out to be not cancer -(I had another major scare several years ago for cancer too!)- but entirely because of the self neglect due to anorexia. (Diagnosed some 20 years ago.)

I was hooked on TWITTER within hours. I honestly don't think I went to bed for a week... And even I thought a few of my tweets were quite amusing...

The foreign peoples of Twitter -(WHO I LOVE!)- Are STREETS ahead of us Brits with regards to Twitter. Especially in America. Providing endless sights of photography, art, blogs, recipes, the links and amounts of them were amazing. And talk about trying to read every single post or 'Tweet' which I attempted. I remember a few hours into my first tweeting session... My computer crashed really badly, Every link opened a new window on my browser and they don't shut themselves down. I ended up closing about 6 million open browser link pages which had caused my ccomputer to #FAIL!!

A little down the road now. I am back to loving the whole Twitter ethos.

Twitter is Facebook on steroids

I said that ages ages ago. Too lengthy to explain here.

And to finish. The real reason I joined Twitter?

"I wanted there to be a small 'piece' of me left behind, after I had attended my death."

I actually see in the future, people looking back at Tweets. If that be someone from your extended family, say 200 years in the future... Well. I think it is quite amazing. To be able to guage a person from their tweets.

"You are what you tweet."

I actually really do owe my life, and it's continuation to this day, to several, genuinely concerned friends who I have swapped many mails and conversations with. So Twitter really has been a lifesaver for me.

And to the people who say Twitter is just Facebook. I just agree with the Philistines, they have not tried it. How can they judge it???

Twitterati we know that is so wrong.

To end now. I find that most of my fellow 'proletariat' tweeters are the only 'celebrities' that I tweet with now. In fact I have unfollowed many of these celebrities I initially followed. All they are interested in doing is self-aggrandizement and promotion of 'works' that are not even a millionth of a percent point anywhere near as good as the posts links and tweets from us mere mortals...

Do your bit. Try to get one over on these 'CELEBS.' Occasionally I try to....

Twitterati-

-I love you all. I really do-

A bit rushed at the end because I really could write so much about this subject.

So That's it.

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 05.42am 4.01.10.

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Milestone.

2009-12-30T14:27:00.001-08:00

Today I realised.....

Since its 2005 Inception Youtube has become the modern-day phenomenon. February 2005, according to various sights I just looked at. Is that really only nearly only 5 years ago?

Under various usernames during my time as a member of the 'Toobers, I realised I have clocked over 50, 000 views.

Now I don't know if this is a good thing; I have a lot of time on my hands at the moment, and have done for quite some time...

Since 'failed' attempts at romance and quite serious bouts of illness. Having just typed that last bit... I have decided that watching YOUTUBE is nothing but all good...

"Even the baddest of the worst videos is usually worth a watch...."

Some of the stuff that is on Youtube... And the clips and the people you can and, indeed, do find......

"The entire population of the planet, and some aliens too, have the potential to become a viral. And this viral ain't a killer....."

some of the comedy clips are killers though.........

If you have no idea to what the above statement means then.... *Rolls eyes skywards* where have you been?

Anyway.... I just wanted to share my milestone with you.

<(ovo)> Robin. 22.48 30/12/09. xx

Must dash, just actually found some half decent christmas viewing fayre for an hour!!

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Doctor Who Christmas Special. America... Buy into this.

2009-12-27T19:44:00.000-08:00

Dr. Who: The End Of Time. Part One.

Kind of Quatermass for the CGI generation but better.... And yes, I have watched all Quatermass. Sad?

BBC1. Christmas Day. UK. (Part Two. News Years Day)

(available via the BBCi worldwide service the day after UK transmission of THE NEXT SHOW IE the day after, 1/1/10 ALTHOUGH watch PART ONE HERE TOO!!) >> BBC WORLDWIDE HOME PAGE

A behind the scenes special of the Timelord via UK ONLY BBCi player.

In America, there are 1 million viewers of Doctor Who, or Dr Who, to be pedantically correct. Via the BBC Worldwide site. Only 1 million? I reckon that of this one million, about 99% of them must be exiled Brits, who remember being terrified by the monsters, both good and bad, from their childhoods.

It seems difficult to believe that the normally, 'easy to please' American viewing public, have seemingly not bought into Dr Who. You really should try it.

David Tennant everyones favourite Scotch Man, stars in this, Christmas special, the penultimate appearance of his stint playing the long running character of British TV legend Dr. Who.

Now I haven't watched any telly, as such, over the holiday periods... I have been too busy reading the millions of posts and links up on Twitter, between listening to music and writing bits and bats, also finding time to venture out on the iceskating rinks that are our sidewalks here in the UK at the moment... Much of the top side of the Earth is being blanketed with the white stuff... (Snow not Coke... Isn't that the same, ironically? I wouldn't know:) The Australians and the other antipodes not from the UK are basking in glorious sun. Off subject....

Back to Dr. Who....

JOHN SIMM. Brilliant character actor, and surely only a matter of time before he is huge worldwide. 'The Lakes' and the amazingly fantastic British Original drama 'Life On Mars' are already feathers in the cap for this excellently versatile actor. He plays the MASTER....

The Master......

Think about that for a while. What does name that suggest to you?

The Master, all encompassing, omni-presence. Powerful, even more powerful than The American Presidents advisers.... Played by the not so tall or scary looking John Simm.... This gave me a slight worry. He plays the part brilliantly. But for the Doctors ultimate Nemesis.... THE MASTER, -(more deadly than the Daleks?) - then surely more masterful casting of a more, powerful physique, such as Arnold Schwarzenegger (also increasing American interest) or Lou Ferrigno maybe, the ex Incredible Hulk Actor. Or even, 'shudders'.... David Hasselhoff. Or Gary Coleman, ex- Diff' rent Strokes, would have put an American slant on it... I hear that the pint size actor has hit hard times lately..... Although I imagine that at this time of the year if Americans have panto, Gary Coleman would be in demand heavily... For Snow White And the 7 dwarves. Did I read somewhere about Dana out of Diff'rent Strokes turning into Snow White, or was it turning to Snow White!!!! "Whatchoo talking bout Willis?"

Casting someone as diminutive, in physical stature, certainly NOT in his acting stature, John Simm, who is amongst the best of Britain's 'Pretty Young Things Bound For Orbit'.... type actors is a brilliant coup, and he has played the master before for the current Dr Who Production team with much gusto and aplomb and does so here again. I just find myself having to suspend any belief as to him being the ultimate in adversaries, a minor and easily remedied slight glitch in my belief and reality system.... I like Sci-Fi to be plausible, but the more far fetched the better. Contradiction? Maybe....

A quick mention for the 'usually' brilliant David Harewood. Brother of part time criminal Marlon, the footballer, incidentally.

I say usually brilliant, up to now, the way he has portrayed his character, in this episode especially, has brought new meaning to the term 'hamming it up.' BAD.

I won't spoil anything for anyone who does read this blog and decides to take a punt, and watch Doctor Who, as it is actually, and not Dr Who as I pedantically pointed out at the beginning of this article..... BUT in David Tennants last appearance as Dr Who, before the *REGENERATION* or Re-birth and the emergence of the next Doctor, a certain relatively unknown, Matt Smith due to be catapulted into 'type-cast-stardom- hell'... at such an early age, this move, on a rumoured, 'longish' contract can only do his rising celebrity no harm. Nor his bank account.

So to finish. I will tune in 'LIVE' for the concluding part of this absolutely brilliant piece of Televisual magnificence to watch the sad demise of the current Dr, David Tennant. Who will now not disappear into obscurity as he has already lined up a billion and one projects for next month alone. Good luck to him. He has provided many great moments as the Dr. I hope that Dave will be OK when he retires from Dr Who and moves back to Gallifrey. Or Scotland.

Watch This now! Doctor Who: The End Of Time. Brilliant stuff.

Not the best review as such, quite tired... But I hope you enjoy some of the links and maybe learnt something new about Dr Who?

I only just watched the first part of this myself!!!!

Can't wait for part two..........

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 28/12/09 05.41am approx.

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I want to become a Trogladite.....

2009-12-27T15:52:00.001-08:00

Do you want me to live in a Cave?

(If the UNIVERSE sponsors me I WILL do this!)

YOU have to decide if I mean I would 'do' the cave dwelling or the avatar in the 'article' photo!!

Hope you all had a great Christmas. I have had a nice few days. And some not so nice....

I am sat in my front room, feeling full of the festive joys of.... Spring? (Is it because I sprung whilst looking at this photo on here?)

In the 'Background' Ezzie Izzard telling me about the virtues of claiming India for Britain all those years ago. This got me to thinking about the haves and have-nots in this world.

I live in the UK. Along with a few other million various humans, dogs, cats, plants and other vegetables (Gordon Brown, for example. Although, he has messed the UK up so much I am glad to report he doesn't live here any more!)

I often joke about Britain being a 'Third-World.' This is seen as a sleight on the Third world. What or who lives in the third world, and what a stupid term. Like the 'Third-Dimension'......

This so called third world's kids are certainly better educated than ours on the whole. And certainly more polite. They always seem to smile so adoringly in Michael Buerk's films of the starving Ethiopians, made for the BBC to highlight the MILLIONS...

I digress. Onto the thread..... Trogladite. A cave dweller. (See Batman or Vlad The Impaler. Also Osama Bin Laden. Although personally. I think the latter is dust)

Could I live in a cave? On my own. In solitude, for say 6 months, with an option to extend the contract at the end of the 6 months on a rolling contract... All sponsors greatly appreciated.

Then I got in a panic....

I could do without the telly. Since returning to a bit of 'public' writing, on a whim at the end of November 2009, I have watched hardly ANY telly at all!! Not even this Christmas. I can watch the Wizard of Oz or the Great Escape or any of the other crap offerings, specked with snowflakes of brilliance, at my leisure on one of the many players available.

I could forego creature comforts to a certain extent..... Although 4 ply Toilet roll - (Not the SHIT stuff either....) - Would be a necessity. For obvious reasons.

Then I got to thinking... What would I eat? Well, I suppose it depends where the cave is. I have, lets's say, a very different regime, with regards to my diet. Or, lack of, mostly at the moment.

What about the news? If Kim Jong Il suddenly goes schizophrenic (If he isn't already) or the situation in Iran conflagrates more than it is? How would I know? Well, a mushroom cloud and instantaneous introduction to St. Peter could possibly be an indicator of this!!

And then back to the food. Now, I am Vegetarian. Where am I going to buy my Zinger Kentucky Fried Chicken Fillet burger (EXTRA STACKED) sandwich?

If I am forced to catch my own food.... Well. I will die.

The only thing I could catch is flies. My gob is always wide open in amazement at some of the things I see and read on the Internet. And these flies. I may suffer from cabinshock. So I may need to befriend these flies.... Name them, educate them....

And then....

THE INTERNET

MAJOR FLAW AND PANIC POINT.....

The idea of living in absolute solitude does not bother me in the slightest for the six months or year or maybe forever if I dig it!! In fact it excites me... The money-raising whilst mantaining my anonymity too...

BUT if there isn't a telephone or cable connection for the Internet I can't see me doing it. Not viable. I have been addicted to the Internet for Twenty years... I would maybe wean myself off the ciggies too.

I would also have to be trained in the art of hand to hand combat with Grizzlies looking for affordable housing... (Or shooting, but I wouldn't shoot a bear. I would let a female bear eat me though, if it had no teeth. Does that attempt at crudites work? I like to 'dip' into my funny bone at times... Dip? Crudites? Oh, forget it.....)

THIS IS GENUINE AND I WANT TO DO IT AND I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE THOUGH.

PREFERABLY SOME OTHER COMPANY THAN BRITISH TELECOM, AS THEY ARE NOT CHEAP!! Or maybe they are.....

So to finish. IF YOU CAN HELP IN ANY WAY with this madcap scheme and have any ideas as to what finances I would live on, obviously I would not do this for free. Although I would give the majority of any accrued monies to charity as mentioned....

America, Canada, UK, AUSTRALIA, KRYPTON... NASA or #NUTSareUS and any equivalent benevolent organisation on the planet.... HELP???

Please could you pass this around amongst as many people as you can please. I want to raise more money for charity than any other person since Martha Stewart? Not a good example but the integrity and my intention is 100%.

Does not have to be a cave. Could be a 10 star hotel in Los Angeles....

I thank you for taking time to read this......

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 28/12/09. 0045 approx.

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An absolute treat... Victoria Wood

2009-12-24T13:52:00.000-08:00

Victoria Wood. Midlife Christmas.

(Possibly the best Christmas program on this Christmas?)

In between during various last minute Christmas finish ups, I sat down and started watching Victoria Wood on the BBC......

OH MY GOODNESS!!

A series of ongoing sketches with Star guest appearances, jam packed with intelligent and seriously funny humour... I think I may have just witnessed the best that British telly has to offer this year....

Victoria opened the show with a brief comedy opening monologue and then in to the main events...

The early 1900s set soap opera, 'Pork Pie Flies To Cranchesterford,' narrated by, and starring the great lady herself was pure class. There were several amazingly strong cameo appearances by numerous thesps. And all acted in with a Norfolk Twang Dialect.

Halibut Finch a particularly memorable piece of comedy acting.

If I say this was a weakish strand and it was still comedy observation at its very best.

The very idea of camp male characters in a soap set in the 1900s was inspired... If somewhat tarnished somewhat by the regularity of these nudge nudge wink wink type of characters, not just in this strand, but all the way through the separate strands. But brilliantly placed into the situations and well acted, this is a minor fleck of critique.

Then the best thread. The 'Week in the life of Mrs Mopp, From Acorn Antiques.'

If I see anything this year half as funny as these embarrassingly acutely observed and acted pastiches, I will be delighted.

The inspired, imagined, ongoing thread about the life of Mrs Mopp, played so brilliantly by Julie Walters borders on comedy genius by all involved.

Special mention for the gentleman who played 'Colin' was an absolute revelation with his blushes and cringing, and the look of 'Oh my god, what and who is this lady (Mopp) on?'

Fantastically brilliant star appearances in these skits too, Notably, Anton Du Berk (Beke) and Torville and Dean.

The Apprentice inspired Dance, acted by Margie and the other guy on the judging panel who looks like an elf with glasses on. A grey haired Elf, but his name escapes me.... Was a classic. And so funny. Inspired music and choreography.

"It was just an ordinary day, I slipped on a chip. I rang 'slipped on a Chip dot com.' I won 8000 pounds in compensation. Enter a funny sketch and then the warning at the end of advert....

"Warning 'Slipped on a chip dot' com is not available for French fries, curly chips or mash." Brilliant.

Enter Julie Walters (The lady is pure class) as the ongoing filming of a week in the life of Mrs Mopp. Anton Du Beke trying to teach Mrs Mopp to dance was classic, and Anton, now recovered after his recent rascist incident on come dancing, strictly So out of character, Surely should be the one to replace Bruce Forsyth?

The Quote when asked to appear on a reality TV show "I was voted best Soapstar 87, 88 and 90." I reckon that without the canned laughter (which was obviously not canned, but toned down somewhat, as everyone was in hysterics!! It really was that good a show!!)

Delia Smith made an appearance too. The owner of Norwich Football Club, Authoress and sometime cook.. She did well not to burst out laughing.

And The skating with Torville and Dean was absolutely brilliant... The sight of Walters trying to get off the ice at the end of this continuing thread of 'Mrs Mopp,' will live with me for a long time.

The sight of Christopher Dean skating off with 'partner' Torville, when he tripped was a little corny.

The guy is a multi gold medal winning skater so asking him to stumble, well, it was so funny, he couldn't even stumble properly on the ice, obviously they are not trained to stumble with all the 'PERFECT' marks they got!! How they managed to keep a straight face....

This comedy classic, and surely a winner something for best Christmas show, or show of the year delivered its comedy in such an excellent way. In fact I think it was as near to a comedy Classic that you are likely to get.

The way it effortlessly slipped from one scene back to another was seamless, and not hard to follow. And talk about laugh?

The closing part of Mrs Mopps week, when Asked if she felt embarrassed, the deadpan way that Julie Walters answered, a brief pause of thought, then the bitingly accurate riposte... "No, I don't feel as though anybody has embarrassed me....."

The closing song. Lets do it.... Rounded off a BRILLIANT BRILLIANT hour of Christmas comedy classic.

What's on the box? When celebrity gastric bands wear out....

Another line from this show. If you missed it UK where were you. Oh, the pub. Right.

Shall be posting a few things later, if all goes to plan.

Have the bestest Christmas.

<(ovo)> XX

Robin Christmas Eve. 10.36 pm.

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X-Factor. No Joe-king.

2009-12-21T01:37:00.001-08:00

So After all the furore about the British Christmas UK Number one....

After various 'Dirty-Tricks' by the 'powers that be' in the annals of the BBC, plus some Facebook idiots genius? Ruse to disrupt this years Christmas UK Number one record in protest at what exactly, I am not sure, not too bothered either, the outcome is that American 'Geriatrics' Rage Against The Machine ensure a few more 'minor' hit records on these shores (enabling them to buy more Wheelchairs, hearing aids and retirement homes in the Hamptons and Bournemouth, Gods Waiting Room, in England :)

So the UK version of the X-Factor saga for 2009, drags and putters out into total underwhelming humiliation for Simon Cowell. It certainly made for an interesting fight for this years Number 1 record. No one is bothered anymore!! Except the winner of the X-Factor.

Talking of Winners... Just a quick re-cap on previous 'winners' of the X-Factor.

2004. STEVE BROOKSTEIN.

Still to be seen basking in his 'literal' ten minutes of fame, now gigging in 'not so high end' restaurants, anywhere, for anything, including milk tokens. I would say he is a tosser, but that is not nice. So I will say he is a wanker instead. DOH!

2005. SHAYNE WARD.

Couple of so-so records, that promised much potential, that has so far yet to be converted into any 'significant' sales, unit wise. I feel that Mr. Ward may be dipping his seasonal candlestick too much amongst his many adoring female fans. Currently working on album number 3. Good luck Shayne.

2006. LEONA LEWIS.

Three years down the road and 7 MILLION WORLDWIDE record sales, Ms. Lewis goes from strength to strength. Although she could have done with some strength (or better still, SECURITY, when, during a recent book-signing in the UK a nutter took a left hook to Leonas Temple causing much laughter in the UK, and a 'slight-headache' for Leona)

She is huge. And going to get better too. I may accept marriage proposal, should she ask.

2007. LEON JACKSON.

>>>WHO IS Leon Jackson. EXACTLY. Move on >>>

2008. Alexandra Burke.

So having just signed a reported £3.5 MILLION record deal Stateside, I am sure that after a 'slow' start Ms. Burke will go from strength to strength and will be able to buy a shoe factory to replace the 'Broken-Heels' of her current Smash? Single. Promising.....

2009. JOE McELDERRY. 2009 Winner. X-Factor. Nice boy. Boring.

So he failed to reach number one, he only shifted 450, 000 units of his, actually pitiful song. But still it is not as pitiful as Rage Against The Machines.

Too early to tell if 'Not-Controversial-in-any-way' Joe will disappear back into obscurity. Somehow, I think he maybe OK as all the 'grannies' and Kiddywinkles love him.

So we await next years X-Factor, some of us with bated breath.... (Simon Cowell, try holding your breath till next year)

What will happen next year? Robbie Williams, Ex Take-That to join the judges? YOU BET!!

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 21/12/09 Approx 10.11am

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FUNNY!! (To me, anyway)

2009-12-18T19:12:00.000-08:00

"Holey Sacrum Robin, time to get off your ass...."

I was checking my emails. Not the AOL account, that is overflowing (I need a freakin secretary, any takers? Age, experience unimportant!)

I came across one from a very great lady, who shall remain nameless. Now this lady, who became one of the very first to join me down on Facebook after being on Twitter for only a very short time. I only started doing both Twitter and Facebook in April.

I am just sat listening to Lisa Stansfield. The last song will kill me. But still... I digress. Back to the email.

I respect and like this lady and not just her many and varied works, but her outlook on things. The 'don't give a shit attitude' and underneath lies the most caring individual.

The mails I have had from this lady are so encouraging. They make me want to just keep on writing and writing and never stop.

The 'jist' of this mail. That I don't have to post everything I write.

Maybe I should be more selective. But, most of the posts I post to my Blogger are pieces that I write off the cuff. I have many still in draft form ready to be edited and added to.

So I don't actually post everything, and some of what I post I sometimes look and think WHY??

I am so thankful for ALL mails. Complimentary and critical alike.

Thanks for all correspondence.

Just going to do the last Lisa Stansfield song now...

Love to you all.

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 03.26am Approx

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Colony Collapse Disorder. (CCD) Should we be worried?

2009-12-18T15:22:00.000-08:00

Did you know our honey bees are all in the process of dying? Although sudden unexplained losses of entire hives and colonies of these essential creatures has not been that uncommon, historically, the relatively new cases are rather more alarming. 2006 saw the first of latest and more worrisome large scale incidences of what is known as Colony Collapse Disorder.

(Or ~ HONEY BEE DEPOPULATION SYNDROME) ~ (HBDS)

CCD

Honey bees are essential. I know you know that, but with it being winter you will not be thinking of bees. If you do not know why Honey Bees are important to the eco-system as a whole then I will briefly explain.

Bees pollinate plants.

(Explanation over. If you need more info, google try *nitwit*)

There are many theories about what is causal in this phenomenon of CCD.

Key causes thought to be at blame are Genetically modified crops, Pathogens (infectious organisms), Global warming and quite frighteningly the natural extinction of this species. (A few causes picked out from many reasons thought to be to blame for CCD)

So should we be worried? At this stage I would tend to err on the caution side, and like the freaky weather we have been having it is merely a 'cyclical' thing, that will clear itself up.

As long as we insist on poisoning and raping the ecosystem I think that the disappearance of much more of what is known as the country side will disappear.

Both Flora and Fauna.

DAMN RIGHT WE SHOULD BE WORRIED!!!

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 18/12/09 23.51 Approx.

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Inspiration.

2009-12-17T12:09:00.000-08:00

I like thinking. Doesn't everyone?

I also like being able to commit my thoughts to computer files and losing them. So I often reach for anything that I can scribble on. I can scrawl one or two random thoughts, on an envelope say, add a couple of salient words, and that is it. I seem to be able to write from these, often cryptic hieroglyphics, averagely, not bad pieces.

Envelopes can be quite big. So often, after, say, a ten minute period, I can have seven or eight articles, poems or letters, already written. When I get round to typing them up!!

I sometimes enjoy typing things up. And I more often than not, just start something and see where it goes. Often posting the most random of pieces at the most random times. When people say... "I have writers block. I just cannot think of anything....."

Well. I tend to switch off. If you can't think of anything to write, then in my opinion you are not a writer.

Writing just boils down to the ability to put words, in some kind of order, that may make sense and get your point across and hopefully someone, somewhere may read those words. If someone, anyone, takes time out of their lives to read what you have written, then that should surely be your inspiration... Bad wording I feel, but maybe it makes sense.

The downside of sometimes having too much time to think.

This sounds like a paradox. You cannot actually choose what your ideas are about.... Inspiration and ideas can sometimes be bloody scary.

I am at my most 'creative' at night. What I apply that creativity to depends.

The inspirations can come anytime, anywhere. And obviously sometimes I start to write a few salient words about these ordered, but random ideas.

Imagine this. Suddenly you get an idea. You start to mentally 'flesh' that idea out, not just adding salient words, but the thought processes take over. Where is this going? So often I let the due processing power of my ZX81 brain do it's stuff....

OFTEN, when I have had that 2 minute quick think, assessing the worth of the latest idea.... (usually when it is approaching the time when I should have been asleep!)

I don't like this idea. One bit. But I go with it.

I have often been 'cured' of constipation by some of the ideas....

The semi-funny comment above may be a 'throwaway' line, but actually semi-serious!!

There are serious ideas and sometimes morbid ones too. Some seriously morbid, and morbidly serious ones spring up from time to time too. Not about death and destruction or annihilation...

"The most innocuous brainstorming session can and often does, envisage scenarios and outcomes that go down certain roads, calling in at certain cul-de-sacs, avenues and boulevards along these seemingly endless roads... Often wishing, I need a dead end...."

I like that paragraph above. And feel it is pretty much self explanatory.

Seems the logical place to leave this latest post, although I do feel that I could add loads more to this point I am trying to make, that sometimes ideas can be seriously terrifying. Luckily I sometimes love these ideas and the final outcomes the best.

I have an idea now. I am going to the loo!!! *inserts cheesy grin here*

I like the final outcome of this latest piece.

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 17/12/09 21.40 Approx.

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2009 Royal Variety Performance

2009-12-16T19:54:00.000-08:00

The Royal Variety Performance 2009

Blackpool Tower (First time since 1955)

(In the presence of the Dear Old Baked Bean herself)

As I couldn't get online tonight I thought that I would attempt to watch the performance all the way through.

I scribbled a few notes down about the performance and from those notes I am going to write a review about the acts that appeared tonight.

So curtain up and Compere Peter Kay, who I must admit I am not too keen on.

First act on were some men and maybe women, who jumped through hoops, but certainly no ' Cirque Soleil' not a great start I felt.

Cue more only mildly amusing Peter Kay and next came Comedian (Comedian used in the loosest terms possibly here) Hal Cruttenden.
Cruttenden, No me neither, heard of him I mean. A kind of cross between Michael 'David Wicksy Wicks' from Eastenders and Barry, also from Walford
The average only material delivered in an annoyingly high pitched Stacatto voice. Possibly, apart from Paddy McGuiness, amongst the weakest links of the Evening.

So things couldn't get much worse. Luckily things were on an upward swing, and I am glad I didn't switch over and stuck with it.

Whoopi Goldberg. Bet they didn't fly the Whoopi cushion over here by Ryan Air. Mind you, nor British Airways, considering they are in the mire.
I know she was here to introduce Sister Act - The Musical, a bizarre choice of presenter.... Hardly charismatic.

Enter the Ensemble of 'Sister Act - The Musical.' Hardly the most difficult of plays to be the costume buyer for. Several excellent individual performances and they all seemed to work together in perfect harmony.
Very impresed, I for one want to see this after watching and hearing the cast.

Next to be rolled out for the more than appreciative audience was Michael Buble. His Buble is certainly in the ascendency now....
Buble didn't really do it for me when I first heard his musical style and actually saw him for the first time. I thought he was too young to be dressed like a Penguin and sing the kind of Music that Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin did effortlessly; Big band.
I buy into the Buble now and have done for some time. His performance of 'Cry Me A River' was absolutely phenomenal. Not exactly someone who I would queue around the corner to buy tickets for his concert but his music turned up loud on your stereo, quality.The second song was not so good.
Not a very good arrangement for Mr Buble. It was played in too high a key for his voices comfort zone. And also not at all his style.
A shave would not have gone amiss either and he also looked very jowly tonight on the television.

Cut to yet another advert break. I spotted the cynical ploy of Product placement during the ad breaks. Many of the celebrities appearing on tonights show cropped up during these adverts.
Plus Ant and Dec. Possibly the most annoying Geordie Duo working on the Planet at the moment.

After the Ad Break next up Andre Rieu. Looking more like Mick Hucknall of Simply Red fames Grandfather with his flowing mane of peppery red hair. I thought he looked very ill at ease.
Along with the Johan Strauss orchestra.They played a couple of Classical standards and were very good in deed. The women were dressed beautifully. The men tonight for some reason, not just the men in the orchestra were all dressed as penguins.
So were the men in the audience. And most of the male acts too, buttoned up in black dinner suits. Would have preferred it to be a little less stiff with regards to the clothes that were being worn tonight.
Live Classical music can't be beaten.

Next, not as portly as he once was Jason Manford. Out of everyone on show tonight, I thought he looked, and probably felt out of place in his dinner suit.
Maybe being hypercritical here but, I think Jason needs to get his eyebrows trimmed near the bridge of his nose. I like Manford and his immediate engagement of the audience was a wonder to behold as he spun some classic funny yarns in his effortless flowing way.
"What's the hardest thing about having young twins?"" The pause. I was thinking the feeding or the nappies.
The answer? "Choosing your favourite," Amongst a few of Manfords original set.
Cut criminally short for television too.

Next up Britains Got Talent Winners 'Diversity'

But before Divesity came onto the stage Peter Kay delivered his funniest line of a disappointing night for him....
"I am surprised social services aren't involved, considering the way that Diversity throw that little kid about."

So to Diversity.
I love to see original and contemporary dance. But I do feel that these guys MAY have a limited Shelf-life and their longevity could be endangerd by the fact that working together in such a large Troupe of Hormones raging and I imagine arguments about money too. Not just choreography.
If they stay together for a long time it will at least give chance for the 'Little' one to not only learn how to dance but on the beat too, in time.
The only future in Diversity I feel, is the diversification of most if not all of them, Hmmm.

I have completely forgotten the Ventriloquist Paul Zerdin who absolutely stole the show. Along with his sidekick Sam, the oh so cute little stuffed puppet. The skills that this man shows are highly original. This man must be very busy writing new material. Good job too, I can see him making an absolute fortune.
Surely a matter of time before another show, but of his own on Primetime too.

Also quick mention for the acrobats who jumped through hoops Les 7 Doights De La Main, was their name, had to look that up. Also mention for the Singing girls, Here come the Girls with Chaka Khan, who I was aware of but missed.

I tried to keep to the running order as I was scribbling notes while watching...

But horribly out of order here. And Katherine Jenkins. Who sang Bring Me back to life. I love this song. I love Katherine, who looked as beautiful as ever, BUT....
This version of Evanescences Song, just did not work live.

Then to the disappointingly lofty Lady Gaga. Lofty because she was Suspended in the air sat at her piano about 5 metres in the air. A bizarre way to showcase Ms GaGa I thought. The Lady herself seemed more intersted in communicating with the cameras and the people at home who got a beautiful view of all the funny faces she was pulling.
Also how stupidly was she dressed? A frilly necked red leather cat suit. A cross between Uma Thurman in Batman And Robin, and a Character out of 'A Clockwork Orange' with the very bizarre eye makeup. She looked as though she was having a particularly nice organism while she was singing, either that or she pissed her pants.
Surprisingly disappointing as I think this lady is brilliant. Is she going Ga-Ga? I am 'Speechless.' The song she sung. Worse act of the night? Yup.

Next Australian amputee comedian Adam Hills. I knew he had an artificial leg, as I have seen him a few times. So I was a bit worried he would do too many of his one leg jokes, which I have seen before. He did a couple, that I had not heard before and made good use of his time allotted too. Too much self depracation about the leg
but followed it up with several cracking jokes. Probably pipped Jason Manford for the funniest comic on display to night.

So the very entertaining evening continued with Alexandra Burke, looking very bizzarely like a young Eartha Kitt, and dressed very unflatteringly in a crop top Yellow American Footballers kit complete with shoulder pads.
She also looked very heavy round the hips and it is in no doubt down to the choice of costume. Sack your stylist. Although the Dancers behind Alexandra were very beautiful so I ended up watching the Dancers instead of the normally very beautiful Ms Burke.
She sang the hopelessly catchy Broken Heels OK. Seven out of ten.

Quick mention of Miley Cyrus here. Two words. HUBBA! HUBBA! Too busy watching her sing to write much more than that. Great performance and great stage presence.

Mika was great and he did what Mika does best puts on a great show. He did.

And so to the penultimate act of a brilliant Variety Performance....The Pilobolus Dancers.

To say this was enchantingly brilliant and had me enchanted in a child like way, wondering how they did what they just did on stage. How would you describe what they did tonight?
A very cleverly devised and excellently performed Monochromastical, Behind a back lit opaque visor, very similar to the Shadow puppets that the chinese seem to love. But this done by humans.Again cut painfully short.
Shame really I could have watched this all night. Though wonder how they could introduce more colour into the act. I would also have liked not to have seen the purveyors of this highly original act after they had performed to maintain that wonderment and mystique.

And so to the headline act of tonights performance.

The Divine Miss M. Hmm. I wondered if shw would sing Wind beneath My Wings. She didn't start with that song. She finished with it. I was sat on the toilet at this time so didn't see her sing, heard her only.
As always she did a bit of her Raconteur act and the songs sounded good.

So to sum up the 2009 Royal Variety Show. A couple of duff acts. But not too duff. Peter Kay getting less funny as his personal fortune must be piling sky high.
But overall the pacing and the variety on offer was very pleasing.

Apart from ITV overdoing the adverts, the normally bum numbing show was a success.

A definite eight and a half out of ten.

Although I like the Queen of England, I don't particularly want to hear three cheers and see the old Baked Bean introduced to the fawning celebrities backstage so I tuned out at this point.

GREAT SHOW.

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 17/12/09 04.00am Approx

This piece was typed while friends were round watching Katherine Tate. Just finished now. Mates have now gone so onto Facebook for a while.

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Ten minute poetry.

2009-12-14T19:59:00.000-08:00

So in effect ten minutes is quite a long time for me... I don't know what this is going to be about. Shall just start it, give myself ten minutes from when I type the first word and see what transpires. This is how I relax between not using my brain. I do these without using my brain.

*Just goes and makes a coffee*

My Poem

UNTITLED.

I will tell you this fact.
I will try and employ some of my tact.
As I sit here I should be so tired.
Instead I feel incredibly wired
My gargantuan caffeine intake
Can Cause me to shake
3 sugars stirred in every cup
All those pints, they do add up.
Sugar is bad. Very bad indeed,
Watch as your gums, they start to recede
The sugar rush sadly passes too quick
I have So many sugary delights from which to still pick
Now I don't want to start a mini riot,
But Cola? Pepsi? What is the point of soda that's diet?
It just so not right and doesn't taste nice,
And it's still charged at the same price
Now call me an urchin or maybe even a lout...
But surely Diet soda should be cheaper, with all the sugar filtered out??

Haven't read through it yet, but here goes... *publishes*

<(ovo)> xx
Rob. 04.27am Approx 15/12/09
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A few facts I just learnt.....

2009-12-14T18:40:00.000-08:00

(Whilst sitting constipated on the toilet for ages, thus cutting off the blood supply to my legs)

#Crazy and true.

I Went for a wander the other day around town, armed with more money than I should be legally allowed. During this walkabout, I spent an inordinately large (for me) amount of money. Let's just say I got no change from £200, or in dollars roughly $350ish.

I got a few presents. Too few. I am not going to make myself destitute buying expensive presents for all and sundry this year. I am away and not really doing Christmas, this year anyway, but I will play Santa and deliver presents round the 'Kin relatives... (Believe me when I say I am nearly organised this Christmas)

I bought myself a few books. A couple of reference books, which I will read once and soak the factoids up and store away, both the book and the facts, to be used in an anecdote, or if a suitable conversation arises, in which to slip a piece of salient information...

I also bought some clothes, bandanas and a Scarf.... (OH! And the usual high-brow comics, like The Simpsons and Spiderman)

So back to what I just learnt. Let me share a few....

FACTS.

Canada. If you take into account all its islands, Canada has the longest shoreline on Earth. More than six times round the Equator, equivalent to Approximately:- 164,988 miles (265,523 km)
Bananas. India (Well over a quarter of the worlds yearly yield) grows over 22 MILLION tonnes of this herb. Botanically the Banana is a herb. They grow upwards too on the tree, in Hands of 10 to 20 fingers, or Bananas per hand.
Potato. Green potatoes can contain a poison called Solanine. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solanine Many of the potatoes I eat are green.....
Sugar Cane. The world consumes 1, 557, 664, 978 TONNES Per Annum. (I am responsible for consuming about 13% amount on a weekly basis :)
Forests. Cover 29.6% of the Earths land. A quarter of these forests are in Russia.
The Pacific Ocean. At its deepest points is, 10, 924 metres to the floor (35, 837 feet) Making it the deepest of the oceans.
Icebergs. We all know that 7/8 of an iceberg lies below the waterline. Hence the saying, Tip Of The Iceberg. BUT 75% of the worlds fresh water is thought to be in these glaciers. Conjecture has it that if all the Glaciers and Icebergs melted, sea levels would rise by 70 metres!

So has any of that amazed you? It has me. I am off to throw some potatoes away and make coffee... 3 sugars.

<(ovo)> xx
Rob. 15/12/09 Approx 03.23am

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The Queens Speech.

2009-12-14T11:54:00.000-08:00

Queen Elizabeth II.

(of England and something called the Commonwealth)

Don't get me wrong. I like the Royal family, to a certain extent.

Here follows an 'alternative' version of the traditional Queens Speech, usually recorded and shown 'as-live' on the public channels, Christmas Day, UK.

Queens Speech. 2009.

(Filmed anywhere other than freezing London. In August)

Cue the National Anthem.... Listen to that infernal piece of music, then the camera opens to 'wide' shot of the Queen of England, sat on her Throne.... As the last dregs of the National Anthem begin to die away, the Camera, slowly brings the Queens sombre, but with a 'Mona-Lisa' twitch secured at the corners of her mouth, face closer.... The Queen looks down, supposedly in 'reflection,' for a moment, looks up, directly into the camera.... (She goes slightly bozz~eyed as she attempts to focus on the prompter, feeding the words that she finally starts to relay......)

(THE SPEECH)

"I am always slightly embarrassed at all the warm hands I get on my entrance.

And the way everybody fawns and scrapes to me. But I must admit, I am used to it now...."

**Cuts to various pictures of the Queens year, including sharing a Jamaican Woodbine with Thabo Mbeki, Pointing at a map of the world with Mr Moon of the United Nations and Giggling, various Scissor Shots... Cuts to a crackling log fire.... The Queen looks composed and cool. Quite a miracle as she is filming in temperatures of over 100 degrees. The speech can be edited together later.

"My fellow Lords, Ladies, Gentleman, Boys and Girls. And imbeciles. Not forgetting the many millions of Illegal immigrants in this country, many working for this very Government indeed. To you all, I wish a very merry Christmas and a very prosperous new year. Of course, you will never be as prosperous as One.... But keep trying anyway, loyal subjects."

**At this point. The Queen sombre as usual. Suddenly she gives a knowing wink and a blinding smile, showing off a golden tooth with a largish diamond embedded into it. The reflection is dazzling.... A bell rings, strangely, like one of Pavlov's dogs, the blinding smile is instantly replaced by the old, familiar grimace......

"Looking back on 2009, the credit crunch bit everybody. Even one suffered. Losing a couple of million here and there. But I am glad to tell you that I have not only recuperated these losses... I have made billions more on top too. I have taken it upon myself to re-instate the monthly 'million dollar' bonus schemes for all bankers. And don't worry about your pension funds, sorted. We are all a happy family of bankers again. I like to spread a bit of Christmas cheer....."

**The Queen pauses, for dramatic purposes here, reaches to her right hand side for the glass on the table. The contents are not clear. The glass turns out to be a pint glass, full of a 'clear' substance. She polishes the whole pint of liquid in one swig, shudders, and shudders again and then lets out an extremely satisfied......

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

**The queen puts her arm out and drops the glass on the floor, missing the table.... Just. Like the old pro we know she is this slight mishap doesn't make her bat an eyelid and she continues.....

"Often at this time of year, thoughts turn to family and loved ones. Sadly we all lose people and Christmas is particularly difficult. This year was very hard for me indeed. I lost one of my favourite Corgi dogs. A present from my Cousin, Howling Mad Qadaffi, of Libya. The dog was named Shagger. I had Shagger for a long time. Philip, my husband, still after all these years was quite brilliant about it. It was an accident that he shot it thinking it was a Rabbit. That softened the blow of losing Shagger. The memory of Shagger being viscerated at twenty yards by a big double barrel bazooka, and my husband shouting..."Get orf my land...," in his semi quasi~German way. I know that my husband has been to the royal Taxidermists, 'Fluckem, Fleecem and Strange' of Bond Street to get me Shagger stuffed.....

**pauses

One remembers actually thinking to myself... Shagger is well and truly stuffed about this time."

**The Queen takes a moment of rememberance here... Staring artfully into the middle distance.

"To our Forces serving overseas. I make an apology. I too was drawn in by that slimy, lying bastard Tony. Weapons of Mass Destruction? Tony Blair.... Why did you not tell the truth?"

**The queen pauses again. Glaring at the camera.

"I am sure you will be alright Tony, Cherie and your family too. Luckily I hear you have pissed orf to live in America, where they seem to be interested in your strange way of delivering speeches, and pay you tens of dollars. Your oration not unlike my husbands second cousin, Hermann.

To the soldiers still serving in our forces overseas.. Hang in there. This god awful Government is on it's way out. Whoever gets into power will buy you another Chinook for Easter. I do hope you boys are having an Armistice over there in Afghanistan, The Falklands and Iraq. Play football against your prisoners... Have fun, eat Turkey, exchange Photos, get to know your enemy. Then after the days festivities you can go back to torturing these prisoners and any new Taleban who came to play Football. Just don't let the side down and lose against these Arabs at football though......"

**The Queen stares maniacally into the camera here and starts to laugh... clutching her sides.

**3 minutes later

"Take time to remember the elderly too this Christmas. I often sit and think about the elderly, having joined the brigade of the 'not so young' myself. The elderly have done their bit for us all. I have lost elderly relatives quite recently, obviously, my mummy."

**Removes tissue with Mono-gram of Lilybet on it.... And blows her nose, then opens it to inspect the contents.

"I remember when mummy went out with Bruce Forsyth, who I hear is taking a back seat now. Rumours of his death, gladly way off. Although judging from his performance on this years Strictly Come Dancing.... Surely it can't be long now Bruce. You deserve a rest. We all do....

"And so it just remains for me to wish you, one and all, a very Happy Hannukah and may your God bless us all."

**Again the queen looks down and glances at her watch.

"So how was that Dickie? Any better than the usual shit?"

**National Anthem plays over end credits

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 12.52am Approx. 15/12/09

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1977.

2009-12-14T09:13:00.000-08:00

Quite a lot happened that year...

What can I remember from 1977? STAR WARS. ROOTS. The Space Shuttle. PELE playing his last professional game for New York Cosmos. The death of Elvis Presley... ALL life-changing moments, plus many other things too...

It was also the year that shaped my life.... (Life? Or something like it)

March. 1977. For my birthday I got a bike. It was my ninth birthday and I had progressed from the usual three wheels, as a 'Learner,' to the two wheeled versions, riding my sisters bikes. I was delighted I remember to finally get my own set of 'adult' two wheels ...

The world was my oyster....

Trusty Rover. That was the model of bike I got. I certainly roved, the bike turned out to be not so Trusty.... (Fast forward to April 5th)

I decided to ride my Trusty Rover the seven or eight miles to Chesterfield, where my dad was working. Let's say I wish that day I had stayed in bed late, as I usually did.. I used to watch the Open University on my little portable television, with my headphones in, so as not to disturb or alert my parents to the fact that, even then I had trouble sleeping. I used to read all night long too. So many books. Not the usual 'Nine year olds' fayre either... At first, as a ridiculously young lad, I used to 'borrow' the books that my dad got from the library (Even one or two of mums books too) So I knew from probably about the age of two that reading and watching late night television were to become a great part of my life. Reference books were a particular favourite as well. When I came across words that were 'alien' to me, I used to stop, look the word up, and then mentally file the new word with words 'of a similar ilk' in my brains wordstore....

I have always been inquisitive.... Dangerously so, at times (More to come about this, in time)

April 5th, 1977.

I was run over by a lorry. I came second, obviously, but I lived (If that is what I do)....

I will write about the whys and the wherefores of why I rode into Chesterfield, and the moments leading upto the time that I got run over at some point.

Some while later.....

I was in a coma. I remember. Pain. Being able to hear. Aware of tubes, of being touched. Not knowing where I was.

Even to this day, I have an orchestra playing like a mix-tape constantly in my imagination. Usually inspired by the song or songs I am listening to...

I hope that doesn't make me sound too nuts!! I would say that I probably have 17% more nuts than the average Snickers bar....

When I was in the coma following life saving Neuro surgery, I sang, out loud, often.

Three songs. Even now, nearly 33 years since this accident I remember every word of these songs.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdKq4By5fuo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvZSKf3YsS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqQwS-KEqXY

(Ohmigosh I was so upset I made such a balls up. Did the same song twice, then published..)

Amended and HOPEFULLY ok now.

Just listening to these has absolutely just got me literally in floods....

I will try to write about each song later and what I think was happening.

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. xx 18.05pm Approx. 14/12/09.

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2001 and all that....

2009-12-13T17:45:00.000-08:00

We are not quite this retarded technologically but sometimes it feels like it......

The future is here now. Or is it?

Now, on the eve of the advent of 2010 I am wondering again....

I remember as a child spending hours dreaming of technological advances.... And also thinking that the year 2000 was a long way off. It all seems like yesterday......

So now for a few views about how I think our 'tomorrows' are working out so far.

We have certainly advanced a long way in a relatively short time, given that we started off as cavemen hunter gatherers, however many years ago that was.... (How do we know really how long man has existed on this planet we call earth? Archeology? Fossils? And I don't buy into all this evolution malarkey either, but that is slightly off subject and maybe worth a future view or two, at some point)

When I mention advances in technology, I am not too disappointed with Medical breakthroughs that we seem to hear about on a near daily basis nowadays. No advancement in medicine can ever be far enough. Although some of the fields that these advances are appearing in are a little alarming and certainly not above being used for nefarious purposes. Genetics etc.

My major disappointment lies in the fact that, well. It just doesn't seem like the future I imagined as a child.

(The 'internet' has been around since the late 1960s, being made, used and developed by the USA for 'HUSH-HUSH' type business. I personally have been online 20 years, still useless, but am awakening that inner child in me every day more and more by what you can actually do on the old inter-web)

Leonardo Da Vinci had his visions of the future pretty much spot on.

** http://www.leonardo-history.com/

** A pretty comprehensive look at the life and works of this genius. One has to wonder if the man had been alive today what he would have been able to achieve, even though I feel that had Da Vinci travelled forward in time to the 'here and now' he may have been a little disappointed with the future reality....

George Orwell was not far from the actual modern reality with his perceived future in the classic tome ~ '1984' http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nineteen_Eighty-Four

"Necessity is the mother of invention...."

Attributed to Plato. Greek Philosopher and author.

Arthur C. Clark and Isaac Asimov were on my childhood sci-fi reading menu too.

Here I could go on and mention the many films, made in the past, that in some way have predicted the future, even swayed the future. But I don't want this to go too far off it's core subject of my disappointment with this existential reality.

I imagined that by the year 2000, everything would be so space-age and uber-modernistic.

Where are the personal self navigating flying cars? Don't get me started on the future of cars here!

And more importantly, where are the Robot or Android type humanoids that I really imagined would be far more prevalent and advanced than they actually are.

So Honda have made the worlds most advanced Robot. It can RUN!! WOOHOO!! wow note the irony. http://asimo.honda.com/ Hardly what I hoped or imagined.

One of the places that the most alarming developments are being made in my opinion, that jeopardizes, not only my current view of the future, but all our futures is Weapons and Warfare. Particularly the Weapons of Mass Destruction. WMD. I am not going to go into the validity of ownership of any of these weapons or the right or wrongs of any war. My views on that subject alone could fill a few more pages...

So. I won't be getting showered or preened by a Robotic-Assistant. I won't be strapping my personal Jet-Pack on and flying to Venus for an hour or two. Nor will I be plugging my brain into a mainframe whilst suspended in suspended animation. Nor will we EVER invent anything that will enable real immortality. I am glad about that.

I am not wishing anyones life away here, but the future just isn't happening quick enough for me. And where the less 'snail-like' IE more pacy, innovations are being made, seem to be in the wrong areas.

So, to finish. This is my disappointing future. 2009. Nearly 2010. The year of our lord, two thousand and ten. Looks better spelt out.

The reality is, that from being a child, the future that I live in now, is different. But hardly futuristic different. The differences now, from then, are that most things are designed by computers, and they have to be made by human beings..... Do you see the point I am making here??

Maybe some of these Technological marvels will appear in 2010??

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 14/12/09 04.05am Approx.

I really enjoyed writing this.

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Would like to try....

2009-12-13T12:21:00.000-08:00

So I am secured nicely for the night now on the settee......

It's not been a bad day, on the whole. I have been sat watching Sports Personality Of The Year on the BBC, whilst watching the snooker on another Television too. I got to daydreaming.... (Usually when I get 'Ideas' for the next piece of writing or my next ruse)

NOT VERY OFTEN NOWADAYS THAT THE WORDS SPORTS AND/OR PERSONALITY ARE MENTIONED IN THE SAME BREATH. They are all mostly dull as dishwater.

There is a Hiatus of the 'LIVE' television at the moment, just had a sandwich and a coffee while the interval is on in the Snooker. BBC RED BUTTON LIVE..... So I have a moment to nip this bit in.

What Sport that I haven't tried yet would I love to play? Well, right now, the 'sport' that I would dearly like to try is the one that most people excel at. Sleeping. Not really a sport I know, although there are other associations with the sport of sleeping..... Go figure. And also there is too much happening on the telly too.

A couple of sports that I would love to try.

SCUBA DIVING. Now I know that SCUBA stands for self contained under-water Breathing Apparatus. I also know that you can try this at various places like Diving schools and even the local swimming pool. Sod that. I would want to dive in at the deep end. Nice and well placed pun award there. I would want to go diving in the deepest clearest oceans and discover sunken wrecks and hidden treasures. I would probably try to avoid the sharks. Especially the Great White (If the Great White is at risk, how can it be considered top of the foodchain in the ocean? Mind, they must be thick, because they seem to nibble every hook that the Japanese dangle or get harpooned by Norwegians. Not sure if the Norwegians harpoon Great Whites, they just Harpoon whales....)

BASEBALL. The Cubans and the Japanese love baseball. The Cubans having produced many world class players. As far as I am aware the Japanese are so far, in deficit in the amount of world class stars they have produced.

Let's face it. Baseball is 'ROUNDERS' on steroids. Or rather Vitamin Capsules. It is so pedestrian. OK. Some of the pitchers may be able to throw the odd curve ball (If the wind gets up sufficiently) And occassionally there is a decent 'Ball in the gonad moment' or the Umpire makes awful decisions and the whole team on the wrong side of the Umpires often Mafia inspired decisions all get pissed off and it is handbags at dawn....

I don't like the World Series Of Baseball. Oh, I like to watch or read about it. But the name. World Series. That implies that the WORLD plays Baseball. There are about 3 countries in the entire universe that has leagues in Baseball. I think I may have mentioned them all already.

**The reason I would like to try Baseball is because you get paid an awful lot of money. (Dollars is not real money! I would like to be paid in our Mickey Mouse Denomination of pounds Sterling please for all prospective scouts!!!)

The LIVE SPORT hiatus is over and onwards with the television delights. Happy rest of Sunday to you.

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 13.12.09 22.15pm APPROX.

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Religion. A meaning to....?

2009-12-10T10:03:00.000-08:00

Religion.

(Not an attack on any religion or deity living or dead)

Some people turn to drugs. Some people drink. People even do both, often at the same time. Often these kinds of people turn to religion later in life (Tried Alcoholics Anonomous first?)

Many people 'worship' at their favourite football grounds or the latest boy~band at the local indoor arena.....

Some people even turn to organised religion....

Let's face a fact here first before the fiction starts. Just about every human being on the planet is born into some kind of 'Belief' system.' I am not going to single out any one religion and say.. "That is wrong because...."

There are far too many wrong and rights in Religion.

My religious beliefs are kept to myself. As should most peoples. But I do abhor having the Jehovahs Witnesses knocking on my door at 9-30 on a Sunday Morning.... Although invite them in, they can be amusing. Try sitting there twitching and dribbling and staring into space. Keep saying "Satan" sub~vocce at random intervals. They won't stay long the Jehovahs if you try this 'tactic' and they certainly haven't been as regular with their visits to my door.

So my view on religion. Any religion....

It is down to Morals.

There is always and often a right path to choose. And obviously, the wrong route. To assume that if you stay on the right path and never do anything wrong that you will go to some great Utopia in the sky is naive, but many gain comfort from this.

And conversely, to do a wrong thing, or to sin... Then; that's it. Eternal purgatory.

So does this not just boil down to the person's choice?

(Please note my beliefs are personal to me, I write and not only often contradict myself but sometimes play 'Devils Advocate and throw up one or two arguments for or against)

This is another way of looking at it, if you struggle with being allied with any shape of religion at all.....

Instead of living your lives based on the works of the protagonists in various well known 'religious' tomes... I think everyone is faced with moral choices everyday. As a moral person, I would hope that I take the right choices or make the right ones.

So people pray to a deity... Often for something that they want. It may be an answer to some pressing question, or guidance or a sign of some sort... (People pray, I do. Never had an answer or a sign. And if god talks to you while you are praying I suggest seeking psychiatric help :)

Praying gives a lot of people a lot of comfort. Try praying for things for other people rather than tonights lottery numbers or the latest Trainers for yourself off mummy for Christmas.

( What did people buy each other for presents before Christmas.... Posted that on my Facebook, caused a few laughs )

I believe in a good solid family upbringing. Sadly we don't all have the happiest of upbringings. It is here that we are tought our Morals. And the right and wrongs of everday life.

As you stumble through life the upbringing you had often has relevance to the moral choices that you make... (Nature or Nuture... Another subject but inter-linked)

So. What I think I am trying to get to here, is that your parents are your 'Gods.' That they are your religion, and that they transfer this on to you. We here in the West, have the choice if we want to stay into religion. Many drift out, the odd straggler drifts back into the buildings of worship.

The numbers of people attending a semi~regular meeting at a place of worship is, and has been for years, in decline.

I question the need for so many deities and suggest in todays credit crunch affected world, a slimming down of the known religions and more merging and interaction.

So I will leave that there for now, may update or rewrite a little bit of this, but for now going to publish it and read through it.

Hope it makes some sort of sense.....

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 10/12/09 18.43 Approx

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I never believed in ghosts until....

2009-12-09T15:51:00.000-08:00

Strange.... But very comforting.

(Being very reflective tonight.... Hope it is not too morbid)

This was during a particularly bad time for me. God, I have had many millions of happy moments in my life. I hope I don't come across as a miserable old chuff. Well, not old anyway!!

My dear Nan~Nan died in Boston Hospital, quite a few years ago...

I got admitted to Boston Pilgrim Memorial Hospital in Lincolnshire, whilst working at Butlins that time.. I was horribly underweight, even I could see that. And I really was running on empty.....

The usual tubes in and tubes out... ETC.

Although I was out of it... I think maybe I had given up. Which I am prone to do, still even to this day.... I remember part of me thinking, please take me. I don't want to wake up. I am happy.... If this was down to the totally wrong kind of drugs..... Well. Anyway. So there I was... Not able to communicate, other than by the squeezing of hands and being constantly disturbed to have glycerin wiped round the inside of my mouth....

I really can't remember how long I lived on Coffee and sugar and various copious amounts of any soft drink I could get. For that sugar rush.. (I still crave sugar now. And when I do eat a substantial meal, the feeling I get, the tangible feeling... Hard to explain, but not an unpleasant feeling) And when I used to get a bit of a panicky feeling, still do sometimes, when I think I need to eat something I ended up buying ridiculously large amounts of takeaway and doing the regurgitating... This works by itself (regurgitation) and apart from when I first started doing the sickness to get out of school trick, to cover glaring POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER I have never made myself sick. Don't have to. Again, as you will see I digress, rather a lot, adding a bit more flesh to the the bare bones of the tale as I type it, from my head. I love to type this way and it seems to work quite well sometimes... So to continue with Boston.

I remember actually looking down on myself. An out of body experience. I remember thinking, great. So there is something after death? But what? Is this it. I just become a ghoul? Destined to walk the planet for countless aeons and will there be any other ghoulies to play Scrabble with in the Ethereal?

So at this point, I remember the smell of my Nan~Nans perfume most vividly.... I could smell it. I could. I could taste it.... I was still floating above myself looking down. I believe I may have been given a choice about what or where I wanted to go next... Not sure.

I remember sitting up and crying, my nan was with me. I actually saw her, could smell her. I have recounted this episode to my mum, and she told me the name of the perfume which escapes me for the moment...

I had been well on my way to the 'next adventure' and I think it was the fact that my nan came to me and although she didn't actually say anything, as I recall.... It was the thing that I needed. To bring me back to life. Did I see bright lights. Sure.

So does this count as a ghost? The ghost of my nan?? Since this experience I have had many similar spectral experiences, mostly pleasant... NOT ALWAYS.

Bit of a rushed piece of writing, my coffee is going cold.

Let me end by saying. I believe.

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 10/12/09 12.17am APPROX.

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The best General Practitioner ever. FACT.

2009-12-09T15:00:00.000-08:00

Writing the last piece and listening to some suitably depressing music has reminded me of the man who I credit with just listening, even though I told him nothing.

Dr K S Patel

(Sheffield. Friend. Above and beyond the calls of duty always.....)

(Retired to live out his days in India. Much missed)

Now. As a child I never used to go to the doctors. I was forever playing this sport or that... When either one of my parents wanted an excuse to throw a sickie off work I think that I may have been used as an excuse when the obligatory diarrhea or tummy bug reason was maybe wearing a little thin. Read on...

I was born at home by my Doctor. Even when I moved away from Sheffield I kept the same GP, even though it meant driving the few miles to see him.

So I have estabilished a brilliant realtionship with him.... I think he must have seen something in me, we often discussed many things outside the medical sphere too. The thing with Dr Patel, you could go to his surgery and always be guaranteed that he would see you, even if you didn't have an appointment. And the '5 minutes and you are out' rule that has been in force for years never applied, with any of his patients. Nor the, 'Do not even attempt to discuss more than one malady at a time rule'..... You really could discuss anything and everything....

So as a child.....

I was taken to the Doctors to get to the bottom of my sudden outbursts of bad language and hyperactivity. This was on request of the doctor, who was obviously concerned with the amount of appearances I was making as I got older and more 'inside myself.'

I alluded to several things... He already knew. But at that time things such as perceived child abuse or whatever was dealt with very differently. Swept under the carpet somewhat.

I thank Dr Patel for being there, always when I needed him. Genuinely and also for the odd sickie here and there, writing a sick note for... "How long do you want Robin and what have you got?" I also must thank him for letting me prescribe my own drugs for much of my life. This sounds awful but in effect worked very well.

I love you Dr Patel, and really was so pleased when you travelled over to Chesterfield on more than one occasion to come a visiting... And in the old Northern General in Sheffield too.

I do hope you and your beautiful wife (sadly in a wheelchair through MS) are enjoying your retirement and are still with us.....

** I wish I could have told you everything, but you already knew.....

And thank~you for being the best doctor a man could ever have wished for..... And if perchance you read this much love.... Let's talk. 8oD

<(ovo)> xx

Robin. 9/12/09 Approx 11-22pm I enjoyed writing this and it bought me happy memories. Feeling the old nostalgia tonight, in a good way now.

*************************************************************************************

Thanks for the memories...

2009-12-09T13:16:00.000-08:00

Another not so happy memory....

(From the past. This is cathartic to write it down :)

Many years ago. More than I care to remember now. Let's just say I was considerably younger than I am now. Somewhere in Sheffield.

My father, got rest his soul, someone needs to....

Anyway, as I said, my dad, who I worshipped.... (Why? Hmmm. Hard one) On considerable money and it was decided that a move to a more affluent area out in Derbyshire was on the cards..... At that time you could buy a row of houses and garages, and still have enough change to buy chips on the way home after the transaction.. Even based on todays credit crunch affected housing market, the average house price back then was in the lowish thousands.

The house was put on the market.... And within days the house was thronged with potential buyers. And nosy neighbourhood freaks wanting to compare what carpet you have in your bathroom... And what literature you keep at your bedside table. I digress, as usual......

So one night.... Not far from this time of year, (Christmas BTW!) The house not having been on the market for long and the interest high... (mum was and is obsessed with decorating....)

The doorbell rung and two very interested potential housebuyers arrived with the promise of paying above the odds and tying up the deal there and then....

Now, I was in bed at this time. I don't know what time my sisters went to bed, as the youngest I was always the first to bed, often under sufferance, for reasons that follow. May I just point out, I don't write these for sympathy, nor to shock. But it all adds to the mix....

My parents sensing a quick and profitable sale on the house were only too keen to allow the unscheduled, but not too late recce round the house.....

The possible buyers were told that as us kids were in bed that a view of the bedrooms was not possible at that time. Anyway, would you buy a house without seeing all the bedrooms? Exactly.

After being shown around the lower floor and garden the couple then obviously stated that they needed to see the upstairs bedrooms....

After a few minutes of humming and Haahing it was agreed, but that the viewing must be brief.

My bedroom door opened....

I had not been expecting this. I was laying in bed....

I was chewing for all I was worth at one of the plastic shackle like handcuffs that were secured to the side of the bed. Kind of like the hung out to dry position.....

The couple, obviously shocked at the sight of me walked out never to buy the house.....

(Thanks for not saying anything 'dear' buyers..... 8o(......)

How do I remember this? Well, things like this are not easily forgot... And were often 'laughed' about during family get togethers. I didn't find it funny, but glad to be a laugh to my family.

I actually enjoyed writing this and although there are myriad more tales like this and some far worse too I have come to terms with much of all this....

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 21.48 approx 9/12/09

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GOOD GRIEF CHARLIE BROWN.....

2009-12-07T13:18:00.001-08:00

How did you get in the doghouse??

YOU SAID WHAT....??

Do you really think it was worth eating Woodstock?

(surely Turkey would be more appropriate)

Is this offensive or funny??

2009-12-07T01:46:00.000-08:00

Barak Obama.

Offensive or funny?

(on closer inspection the photo could be any one of several actors)

I will let you decide and post later, because I am too tired to think right now!

(UPDATED 8.31pm)

After carefully considering if this photo is offensive, I have come to the conclusion that it is fortunate the Orangutan can't sue.

(come on that's not bad. That was free too, a gift:)

My very limited view of the Nations. (CONT)

2009-12-06T19:30:00.000-08:00

(This is a continuation of a previous thread.... 'My view of the nations')

In which I continue to 'publicly' humiliate my self by showing how little I know of, not only the Countries themselves, but the Indigenous folks...

I could attempt 'funnies' here and say such things, somewhat akin to Basil Fawlty in the classic British comedy Fawlty Towers (Which I watched last night) I could say Don't mention the war or 1966 or Hitler, but as I have already done so seems pointless. The war was a long time ago. A lot of people died, and are indeed dying right now in many wars, in a common effort to impose their wills or ideals on the people with the lesser weapons and firepower.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfl6Lu3xQW0

(The link is a short 'Fawlty Towers' clip EPISODE: The Germans.)

GERMANY

In the previous post about the Nations in which I started with Germany, I didn't actually get to express many views at all regarding the Germans so will continue the thoughts on Germany and the Not so Sauerkrauts.....

Germany. And the Teutons. The butt of many a joke, and considered by many to have no sense of humour (Although at this time I struggle to think of a German comedian to hit the big-time)

**After quite a long pause at this point postulating and searching my frontal lobes for German Comedians, without googling any. Try it! I shall continue. Other than to say Joachim LÖw the current German National Soccer coach makes me howl, for some reason **

So onto the Germans I do know, or am in the process of getting to know.

I find the several Germans I have met, both on-line and in the Matrix (Real World) and now know a little better, totally charming, humourous and from what I have seen, the Germans don't all wear Lederhosen and eat long Sausages (Mainly just the Germans who do wear the Lederhosens and eat long sausages, not necessarily simultaneously oddly)

Germany is also the home of, amongst other car manufacturers PORSCHE http://www.porsche.com/uk/

Like many a 'Boy-Racer' I covets very greatly a 911 TURBO... o-O (Holds begging dish out to Germans...)

Random Things I know and like about Germany and the Germans... (Again could have left a massive blank space here, as a joke of course)

*Integration between East and West Germany. (When the Berlin wall came down in 1989, I was in hospital)

*Motor Manufacturing Mecca. PORSCHE MERCEDES etc To say I love cars would be an understatement... In fact, I have written NOTHING about cars on this blog yet

*AUTOBAHNS any country where you can drive as fast as your car will possibly go, without getting your collar felt by the long arms of the law is fine by me. Statistically the German Motorways are safe to travel on. Just try avoiding the Autobahns in Germany on the days that the BBC send 'Top Gear' presenter Richard Hammond to test the latest rocket powered car on the Autobahn....

*SENSE OF HUMOUR Yes really. Any country that adopts and actually idolises David Hasselhoff must be chock-a-block full of comedic legends. Germans actually have a 'dark' sense of humour. (Maybe Ironic sense of humour too!)

* Nürburgring Probably the Racing/Test-Track I would like to drive the most.

Nürburgring
Formula One Layout - *GP-Strecke*

Location	Nürburg, Germany
Time zone	GMT +1 (DST: +2)
Major events	F1, ADAC, DTM, 24 Hours Nürburgring, 1000km Nürburgring,VLN
GP-Strecke (1984-present)
Surface	Asphalt
Circuit length	5.148 km (3.2 mi)
Lap record	1:29.468 ( Michael Schumacher,Ferrari, 2004, Formula One)

NO DOUBT I could think of much more to say about the Germans. I like the ones I know. Would still never mention the war though.....

This is a continuing Thread on my VIEWS ON THE NATIONS OF THE WORLD.

To be continued. The Next Country I plan to dissect without visiting?

That is it for the GERMANS (Not literally) but that is where I am going to finish as it is 5.40 am and I watched a bit of telly instead of having a bath. So bathtime now.

<(0v0)> xx

Rob. Approx 5.42am 7/12/09

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My view on the different nationalities......

2009-12-06T17:02:00.000-08:00

The world according to Garp.....

So. I am sat here. Well after the 'Witching Hour' it is too. Can't get to sleep, surprise. So I start to think of all the Nationalities there are. And in effect, how few Internationals I actually would say I know.

A great idea came to me.

A semi-lighthearted look at my opinion on the Nationalities and people A glaring insight into how 'inexperienced' I am in culture. Of any sort. In fact I am a Philistine. No offence meant to Phil I. Stine. Nor infact to you yourself if you really are a Philistine.

I am going to dive straight in here....

GERMANS.

Being from England, (Small Country. (I will mention Shakespeare because Americans love all that) Shakespeare, Dickens, Blyton and Jeffrey Archer, disgraced former MP. Just four Authors ~ (The last one, Debatable) ~ that popped into my head that I have read)

We don't really mention the Germans much. Other than football, of course. England always seem to get Germany in the Semi-Finals of Major soccer competitions. I have watched over many years German football. And have a grudging respect for the German National Football teams attitude to their game. They are a bit clinical. I digress.

When I was growing up, I never met one German. (As a child, History was not my favourite subject. One of the only In-Famous Germans I was taught about was Hitler (The Propaganda starts early in the UK) not saying I agree with Hitler, Does any right minded person? And the people who dismiss the Holocaust, well. The less said about them the better.)

My first 'semi-serious' Girlfriend ( Got past Base 1?? *Knowing wink*) Well. I adored her.. Puppy love and all that. She had a slight affliction. On her top lip she had an 'Eleven a side' moustache. Now, it is not funny. She was a very beautiful girl. It wasn't funny sometimes when walking round Sheffield Town Centre say, and people shouting out "Hitler!" It also wasn't funny that she used to bleach the hairy top lip. Usually I found, just before a planned evening Snogfest... Does not taste nice. But, things such as a womans hairy lip problem do not bother me. I don't see Afflictions, I don't judge people. I try to accommodate and accept. Not tolerate, that sounds as though you just put up with someone. The girl with the moustache (Good song title) Also had another affliction. She was the first girl in school to grow substantial buds. This did not bother me. Of course I am not with her now, and when the pre-teen hormones kicked in, she was known to me, in thought only, would never insult an ex, but she remains known to me as Hitler. Anyway she isn't German.

Damn. Just a quick post-posting bit of a hilarious memory or, more fittingly, mammary. Although the Girl 'Hitler' in the above piece did indeed have big buds.. (excuse me, not obsessed with buds...) They were quite big as I recall, but were enhanced slightly by cotton wool. That may be a little too much information, but, hey, I am laughing at the memory.

(Going to post this as a teaser, and also as a work in practice, as I like this subject. Hope you do)

<(ovo)> xx

Rob 7/12/09 1.10am approx

Gordons nightmare.

2009-12-05T20:11:00.000-08:00

My struggle.

(Why am I insomniac?)

by G. Brown (Ex Prime Minister of England)

The recovery is here.

Hip Hip Hurray.

The Britain is SKINT sign,

gets taken down today.

Recession is over-

Money by the ream....

Wake up Gordon, pinch yourself.

You are still in that dream.

<(0vo)> xx

Rob. 4.25am approx

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I feel so alone right now....

2009-12-05T18:30:00.000-08:00

Quick ramble... See where we go and what we talk about.

(Usually the best sort to read, rather than write.)

So as I started by saying I feel alone right now I'd better start there...

I have lived the independent, free of relationships, of a kind, for the last two years. Over two years now in fact. I am human. And, when I find that I get a little bit feeling 'on my own' as I do now, I usually go to one of the many social 'places' I frequent and find myself raised by the antics or the camaraderie that abounds in these places. I have met little if any real intimidation or nastiness. I can't stand conflict. Of any kind. Arguments happen sure. But one has to be prepared to bite ones lip and back down from time to time. Even if you are certain you cannot be wrong. About anything. (This is usually the cause of all arguments, people asserting that they are better than you)

I think this yen to be with someone, the need to be able to share all nature of things, is a genuine change for the better and has certainly helped me with my own confidence and assertion in the real world, with the interaction of many people.

I only decided to join first Facebook, then Twitter and MySpace, Youtube and other various chat networks in April this year. And after a summer cancer scare allied with still endlessly ongoing dietary related issues forcing me to take time out. More time 'out' in the 8-9 months so far from my favourite place. Twitter. I love Facebook, but it is too slow. It also has a penchant for booting you off Scrabble... And then not being able to find your game again. Annoying, Facebook. Very annoying at times, and then at other times when loads of people are 'playing out,' highly entertaining, so long as you surround yourself with the right kind of people.

Already, I am feeling better, I am getting my second or third days wind now. Been an awful week, sleepwise. But got quite a few bits and pieces done. And estabilished contact with a few more real movers and shakers. (No I haven't been to see my mum)

So why aren't I in the social networking sites now? I am actually exhausted. I am quite upset as I have nothing in to chow on. Nothing apart from some Spaghetti. (To be used by sometime last year.)

Those who know me know why I seldom stock up on food. To those who don't, well let's just say Annie Rexia. And yes. Men do suffer too. Not going to go into depressing mode here. I have friends, very great friendships built up over time and conversations and have shared not just myself and a lot of my inner fears, but listened to people, sometimes at great length, and been amazed by some of the confidences placed in me. Really. Some horrifying, but most serious and personal things. I too may have placed certain confidences on people too. But, I feel totally comfortable to be able to do this.

I am actually a very private person. Highly private. How can other people 'know' one as a person when this person doesn't even know himself what he is actually capable of.... A bit cryptic but it makes sense. I do know myself. I am comfortable with who I am.. I hate myself sometimes. I 'punish' myself in the most bizarre ways. Usually to do with the dietary thing.... Won't say more, at the moment about that.

So it's after 4am on Sunday morning and I have been up for what seems like days... And give or take the odd few hours in the bath having a sleep, it has indeed been days.

This is how it has been for 32 years... The sleep thing. The dietary issues were diagnosed over 20 years ago now, but actually started when I was at school, with the fingers down the throat to get out of going to school, and when I did go to school, buying cigarettes out of my dinner money.

Anyway. I don't feel alone now. I am not alone in fact. There is a pesky varmint of a fly buzzing me... Temporarily put me off my stride. Houseflies carry a scary amount of diseases. There seems to have been a lot of flies this summer. Huge ones at that.

Christmas. Round the corner. In fact closer than that now.... No presents bought yet. I used to spend a fortune on presents and enjoy the whole shopping experience at Christmas. I am in the festive spirit, but the whole Christmas thing is stupidly overblown now, and focusing on the financial side...

And food? What is it with food. To finish I am just going to say that it is no wonder that all these supermarkets, don't just make obscene profits, and not share those profits, on the whole. They don't pay the suppliers enough and are more interested in the shareholders dividends than the 'core' customer.

Customer services at these supermarkets seem to be horribly below par too.

Anyway. I am going to bed with Marion Keyes and see if she can send me to sleep with her beautifully simple crafted words....

Until later. I hope I get some sleep.

<(ovo)> 3.25am

Rob xx

Spot the deliberate X-Factor mistake??

2009-12-05T12:21:00.001-08:00

Joe. Another Will Young. (Do we need another?)

Wrote a little bit about the X-Factor.... Forgot one of the key players.

Sorry, more observant among you.... I completely forgot about Joe McElderry when having a whinge about the X-Factor this year.

Joe. I don't know. The guy can obviously sing. I find him a little smarmy. I reckon he used to pull the legs off Daddy-Long legs and their wings too and watch them wriggle about... Surely this guy is cleaner than Tiger Woods?

Is there anything about him that may even approach controversy. At all? Anything? Thought not.

So. To sum Joe up. Baby faced assassin. The grannies (Danni, Sheryl and Louis) all love him. Simon fears him.....

I couldn't really care, that is why I just spent two valuable minutes typing this. More to follow, as and when. Check by the link every say 25 seconds you won't go wrong.

(Stacey has just put herself in danger.... And a point to Louis for saying "you made dat song yerr own.")

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 20.31pm

Al murray AKA The Pub Landlord, give over....

2009-12-05T02:55:00.000-08:00

Al, stop trying to be Harry Hill.

(You can never be)

Oh dear. Al Murray. Why? How very gifted you are with your multi-persona and alter ego 'The Pub Landlord.' You wouldn't be attempting to emulate the politically correct Alf Garnett, or, the corresponding character... Archie kind of rings a bell. Is it Archie Bunker or something. Not too sure and in a flow and can't be bothered to check! I believe.. 'All in the family...' Over the pond in the USA?

Stick some glasses on the photo above. Who have you got? Harry Hill. Except in my opinion Al Murray is certainly lacking in any new or original direction in his 'comedy' and is very stale indeed with his "Babycham for the ladies.... " diatribe.

Just a very quick random

2009-12-05T01:03:00.000-08:00

All Gods creatures.

Great and small.

I have been filling my time better just lately. And getting back into the writing.

Never short on ideas for pretty much anything. But the layout, format and the demands that certain people place on you, well, that takes time. I am in no rush. I am starting to wonder who is dangling the biggest carrot, so to speak? Me? Pfft.

Anyway this post is about an idea that has been mulling around for ages in the back of the mind along with literally trillions of unwrittens.....

I, ROB (bed) O (i) T

The time. Immemorial. The place Earth.

Presenting..... GOD

A man sits. The as yet unidentified haven is dark. The only light is supplied by the candle on the bare table, hardly illuminated.

Seated? Floating? GOD

(said in an obviously god like voice, similar to Brian Blessed)

** I am bored. Been sat here wondering where I came from for Millenia now. I need something to do.

(God stares into, what would become known as space, while stroking his, similar to father Christmas type beard with a thoughtful, pensive look on his face.)

Seven days later. God had been busy... Creating something called Heaven and Earth

** What can I put here? My world is so pretty....

(God then takes his meccano set out and starts twiddling and muttering to himself.)

** I need to make things that will not only destroy each other, but the very firmament they live on.....

(It has been rumoured that God was based on the character Travis Bickle, in Taxi Driver... "Are you talking to me? You must be. There is only me here....." Maybe pre~ Senility set in because he has been on his own for eternity and is bored?)

(Still speaking out loud getting more and more excited)

** I shall invent animals. I shall base them on the drawings that I pass onto Leonardo Da Vinci in the future... For he is indeed the greatest man who will ever walk the planet, apart of course from Barak Obama of course. And David Beckham....

(from a distance a voice, offshot, calls out in a very Monty Pythonesque way...)

Who the hell is Barak Obama....?

So time moves on. Centuries and centuries and eons. The meccano is replaced by more and more sophisticated bits of kit. (Usually supplied by the Japanese peoples of Sony, who don't yet exist remember...?)

GOD decides to vacate the planet. He has his universal remote control. (This remote control works though, not like the crap multi~remote, one for all remote crap that will be available in the future. At Woolworths. £1.99)

God has his remote. It looks pretty much like a normal radio controlled remote

control but is bigger. And has a lot of buttons. Obviously. Has language been invented. Who taught God to speak good English?

He turns the remote on.....

Countless eons have passed and he has made and invented every creature.. And some that haven't even been found to this day, if we still exist.

(Said in the voice of a man pleading what have I made... Frankensteins monster bites back)

** I need to get off this planet.... The North Koreans and Iranians are fucking crazy..... I no longer control them anymore. Someone called Allah has crashed my frequencies....

(offshot the same voice as before, in same Monty Python way....)

Allah? Who is Allah? Do you mean Dev Allahan, from Coronation Street? Not sure that we are talking about the same person as you are talking with yourself.

Surely you did make Allah too, along with the other truly great creatures roaming your earth.... They are now attacking and eating each other, in a non oral or sexual way, as that is a sin. Isn't it?

God changes the duracell batteries in his remote control, pulls out a massive long aerial and points the aerial skywards.....

** Beam me up Scotty.... Oh. He died. Just like the very latest Pre~quel to Star Trek will.

(God has the remote control... It has the capacity to control anyone, anything of a non vegetable or mineral state, IE animals. On land and undersea. BUT the only problem is that he can control one person only at once, or one animal. And as he is omnipresent, he is invisible to the animal prototypes that he originally built. They became that good, that the only thing that kills them was cancer. Heart disease. And Haemorrhoids)

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To be continued.......

(Hmm. I quite enjoyed writing this nonsense.....)

The inference in this piece is that the red voice, off-shot could be the devil, his alter Ego contained in himself.... Allah is his Twin brother. They always say there is an Evil twin. Which one is it?

Will they play nicely together.... Or will God turn Schizophrenic?

The gist is that you have potentially 3 billion human stories here, as God plays in his Kingdom with his remote control...

I got a bit desperate for some sugar so left it there for now.

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 10.ooam.

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