Strange.... But very comforting.
(Being very reflective tonight.... Hope it is not too morbid)
This was during a particularly bad time for me. God, I have had many millions of happy moments in my life. I hope I don't come across as a miserable old chuff. Well, not old anyway!!
My dear Nan~Nan died in Boston Hospital, quite a few years ago...
I got admitted to Boston Pilgrim Memorial Hospital in Lincolnshire, whilst working at Butlins that time.. I was horribly underweight, even I could see that. And I really was running on empty.....
The usual tubes in and tubes out... ETC.
Although I was out of it... I think maybe I had given up. Which I am prone to do, still even to this day.... I remember part of me thinking, please take me. I don't want to wake up. I am happy.... If this was down to the totally wrong kind of drugs..... Well. Anyway. So there I was... Not able to communicate, other than by the squeezing of hands and being constantly disturbed to have glycerin wiped round the inside of my mouth....
I really can't remember how long I lived on Coffee and sugar and various copious amounts of any soft drink I could get. For that sugar rush.. (I still crave sugar now. And when I do eat a substantial meal, the feeling I get, the tangible feeling... Hard to explain, but not an unpleasant feeling) And when I used to get a bit of a panicky feeling, still do sometimes, when I think I need to eat something I ended up buying ridiculously large amounts of takeaway and doing the regurgitating... This works by itself (regurgitation) and apart from when I first started doing the sickness to get out of school trick, to cover glaring POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER I have never made myself sick. Don't have to. Again, as you will see I digress, rather a lot, adding a bit more flesh to the the bare bones of the tale as I type it, from my head. I love to type this way and it seems to work quite well sometimes... So to continue with Boston.
I remember actually looking down on myself. An out of body experience. I remember thinking, great. So there is something after death? But what? Is this it. I just become a ghoul? Destined to walk the planet for countless aeons and will there be any other ghoulies to play Scrabble with in the Ethereal?
So at this point, I remember the smell of my Nan~Nans perfume most vividly.... I could smell it. I could. I could taste it.... I was still floating above myself looking down. I believe I may have been given a choice about what or where I wanted to go next... Not sure.
I remember sitting up and crying, my nan was with me. I actually saw her, could smell her. I have recounted this episode to my mum, and she told me the name of the perfume which escapes me for the moment...
I had been well on my way to the 'next adventure' and I think it was the fact that my nan came to me and although she didn't actually say anything, as I recall.... It was the thing that I needed. To bring me back to life. Did I see bright lights. Sure.
So does this count as a ghost? The ghost of my nan?? Since this experience I have had many similar spectral experiences, mostly pleasant... NOT ALWAYS.
Bit of a rushed piece of writing, my coffee is going cold.
Let me end by saying. I believe.
<(ovo)> xx
Rob. 10/12/09 12.17am APPROX.
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