I want to become a Trogladite.....

Do you want me to live in a Cave?

(If the UNIVERSE sponsors me I WILL do this!)

YOU have to decide if I mean I would 'do' the cave dwelling or the avatar in the 'article' photo!!

Hope you all had a great Christmas. I have had a nice few days. And some not so nice....

I am sat in my front room, feeling full of the festive joys of.... Spring? (Is it because I sprung whilst looking at this photo on here?)

In the 'Background' Ezzie Izzard telling me about the virtues of claiming India for Britain all those years ago. This got me to thinking about the haves and have-nots in this world.

I live in the UK. Along with a few other million various humans, dogs, cats, plants and other vegetables (Gordon Brown, for example. Although, he has messed the UK up so much I am glad to report he doesn't live here any more!)

I often joke about Britain being a 'Third-World.' This is seen as a sleight on the Third world. What or who lives in the third world, and what a stupid term. Like the 'Third-Dimension'......

This so called third world's kids are certainly better educated than ours on the whole. And certainly more polite. They always seem to smile so adoringly in Michael Buerk's films of the starving Ethiopians, made for the BBC to highlight the MILLIONS...

I digress. Onto the thread..... Trogladite. A cave dweller. (See Batman or Vlad The Impaler. Also Osama Bin Laden. Although personally. I think the latter is dust)

Could I live in a cave? On my own. In solitude, for say 6 months, with an option to extend the contract at the end of the 6 months on a rolling contract... All sponsors greatly appreciated.

Then I got in a panic....

I could do without the telly. Since returning to a bit of 'public' writing, on a whim at the end of November 2009, I have watched hardly ANY telly at all!! Not even this Christmas. I can watch the Wizard of Oz or the Great Escape or any of the other crap offerings, specked with snowflakes of brilliance, at my leisure on one of the many players available.

I could forego creature comforts to a certain extent..... Although 4 ply Toilet roll - (Not the SHIT stuff either....) - Would be a necessity. For obvious reasons.

Then I got to thinking... What would I eat? Well, I suppose it depends where the cave is. I have, lets's say, a very different regime, with regards to my diet. Or, lack of, mostly at the moment.

What about the news? If Kim Jong Il suddenly goes schizophrenic (If he isn't already) or the situation in Iran conflagrates more than it is? How would I know? Well, a mushroom cloud and instantaneous introduction to St. Peter could possibly be an indicator of this!!

And then back to the food. Now, I am Vegetarian. Where am I going to buy my Zinger Kentucky Fried Chicken Fillet burger (EXTRA STACKED) sandwich?

If I am forced to catch my own food.... Well. I will die.

The only thing I could catch is flies. My gob is always wide open in amazement at some of the things I see and read on the Internet. And these flies. I may suffer from cabinshock. So I may need to befriend these flies.... Name them, educate them....

And then....

THE INTERNET

MAJOR FLAW AND PANIC POINT.....

The idea of living in absolute solitude does not bother me in the slightest for the six months or year or maybe forever if I dig it!! In fact it excites me... The money-raising whilst mantaining my anonymity too...

BUT if there isn't a telephone or cable connection for the Internet I can't see me doing it. Not viable. I have been addicted to the Internet for Twenty years... I would maybe wean myself off the ciggies too.

I would also have to be trained in the art of hand to hand combat with Grizzlies looking for affordable housing... (Or shooting, but I wouldn't shoot a bear. I would let a female bear eat me though, if it had no teeth. Does that attempt at crudites work? I like to 'dip' into my funny bone at times... Dip? Crudites? Oh, forget it.....)

THIS IS GENUINE AND I WANT TO DO IT AND I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE THOUGH.

PREFERABLY SOME OTHER COMPANY THAN BRITISH TELECOM, AS THEY ARE NOT CHEAP!! Or maybe they are.....

So to finish. IF YOU CAN HELP IN ANY WAY with this madcap scheme and have any ideas as to what finances I would live on, obviously I would not do this for free. Although I would give the majority of any accrued monies to charity as mentioned....

America, Canada, UK, AUSTRALIA, KRYPTON... NASA or #NUTSareUS and any equivalent benevolent organisation on the planet.... HELP???

Please could you pass this around amongst as many people as you can please. I want to raise more money for charity than any other person since Martha Stewart? Not a good example but the integrity and my intention is 100%.

Does not have to be a cave. Could be a 10 star hotel in Los Angeles....

I thank you for taking time to read this......

<(ovo)> xx

Rob. 28/12/09. 0045 approx.

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